Eight (weird) Things

Blackbird tagged me with that eight things meme. Which I already did. I'm supposed to post the rules and then post eight things about me. But I'm not going to. Because I'm also on a quest to discover the weirdest thing about me.

So I've decided to post eight weird things about me, and then people can vote for the weirdest in the comments box. And I'm not tagging anyone because it didn't work the first time, so fuck it.

1. I don't watch television.

2. I don't understand why everyone is so interested in sex. Come on, people. It's just an orgasm. Sheesh.

3. As a consequence, I've never watched a single episode of Sex in the City. I understand it's about Sarah Jessica Parker having sex with Manolos, which is so nasty I simply can't believe you people.

4. That whole get married/have children/move to the suburbs trajectory? Totally my husband's idea. It's true. If you don't believe me, ask That Stud Muffin I Married. I was dragged kicking and screaming up the altar. I distinctly remember asking him. "Are you sure you're ready to get married? Don't you want to sow some more wild oats?"

5. I feel almost no affection for my mother. In fact, she drives me batshit crazy for, among other things, demanding that I write her a letter a week. So I print out blog entries and send them to her. (OK, I get rid of the swears and shit like that, OK? I don't just mail her a screen dump ... but yeah. My mother reads my blog. She just doesn't know it's a blog.)

6. I don't like gossiping. I mean, sure, OK, I can do it, just the way I can make small talk to the boring guy next to me at a dinner party, but I don't find it compelling or anything.

7. I don't like to talk on the phone. OK, people are fucking howling at this one, I can tell it. But people from the internet to whom I have talked on the phone--when we talked, did I call you? No, I didn't. YOU called ME (except for that one time with Badger) and naturally, I didn't want there to be one of those awkward silences, so OK, I kept you on the phone for two hours. But it's still your fault.

8. I didn't learn to drive until I was 35.

That last one is how I know I'm actually female. Because in a lot of other ways, I'm a man. Or maybe I'm in drag. Or at the very least, from time to time, I rustle uneasily in my transvestite clothing. To borrow a phrase from Laura Mulvey, whom I've only read

BECAUSE I'M WEIRD.