12 Days of Blogmas, Day 7

It's snowing and I have to head out to Blockbuster's to get lots of DVDs so the Buxoms can ring in the New Year with our traditional New Year's Eve celebration: spaghetti carbonara washed down with lots of champagne, followed by a DVD-fest.

And so, without further ado, here is your seventh chance to win a $15 Starbucks or iTunes gift card by correctly identifying the first line of the Christmas carol illustrated below with Google Images.

Ready? Get to it.







And Happy New Year, internet.

12 Days of Blogmas, Day 6

On the sixth day of Christmas, your true Poppy gave to you ... another chance to win a $15 iTunes or Starbucks gift card by figuring out which carol is represented by these Googly images--where each image represents a word of the first line.






Good luck!

The 12 Days of Blogmas Contest, Day 5

It's a contest! The first person to correctly identify the following well-known Christmas carol wins either a Starbucks or iTunes gift card. Each word of the well-known song is represented by an image found on a Google search.

Leave a comment to enter.

Before the 12 Days of Blogmas, Day 5, a free prize to all who enter!

Before we embark upon our 5th day of the 12 days of Blogmas (where I do Google image searches for each word of the first line of a famous Christmas carol, one word at a time, upload the pictures, and make you guess the carol) I figure everyone who has read this blog this far deserves a prize.

And what could be a better prize than before-and-after bathroom pictures?

So here we have the downstairs powder room, before:



and after:


Please note the nautical handle on the toilet:


And here is the upstairs bathroom in all its mismatched 1970s glory:



And after. And already in use, if you judge by the paper towels, toothpaste tubes, and Clearasil paraphernalia scattered about.


And here's a shot of the old tub


and the new:

The 12 Days of Blogmas Contest, Day 4

Today we drove for about six hours, winched ourselves out of the van, hauled our crap inside, had a quick drink, and then fed cocktails and take-out Chinese food to some of my brothers and sisters, and opened Christmas presents, and laughed.

And then of course, I had to show them how I can find them a picture of Mormon Temple Garments by using voice-activated Google search on my new iPhone.^TM

By the way, did you notice something about my use of the phrase my new iPhone^TM ? That's right. I have copyrighted it. Not only that, I plan to devote my next Blog365 to blogging about my new iPhone^TM every day. And no, I'm not getting paid to blog about my new iPhone^TM every day. I'm doing it because I'm Apple's bitch.

Anyway. I do have other things to tell you about. Like new bathrooms. That's right! Stick around for the new bathrooms. The new nautical-style bathrooms! They're almost as nice as my new iPhone.^TM And tomorrow, I might even take pictures. With my new iPhone.^TM

I know. I'm acting like an iHole.

And now I leave you with the latest installment in my Uncredited Google Images Win a Starbucks or iPhone Gift Card Christmas Carol Contest. Here's the deal for those who are new: the images below represent one word of the first line of a Christmas carol. If you guess the carol, you will win a prize of your choice of a $15 Starbucks or iPhones gift card. Here goes:

The 12 Days of Blogmas Contest, Day 3

We've just arrived at a hotel in Syracuse, New York, after 12 hours of driving, but for me to whip out the laptop and get ready to compose today's Google Images First Line of a Christmas Carol Win an iTunes or Starbucks Gift card blog post took less time than it took to type that.

So without further ado

1. look at the following images
2. figure out which carol's first line they illustrate
3. leave a comment in the box

and if you're the first one to get it right, you win a prize.

And this time I picked something a little more obscure. Because I'm a Christmas carol hard-ass.

The 12 Days of Blogmas, The Contest: Day 2

I'm celebrating the 12 days of Blogmas this year with twelve days of Google images. Every day I'm going to illustrate the first line of one of my favorite carols.

And it's a contest! Every day I'll award a $15 iTunes or Starbucks gift card to the first person who correctly identifies the carol.

And why? Because I'm an attention whore. And I love Christmas carols. And I take part in Blog365, so I blog every day. Whether I have anything to say or not. That's why.

So here we go. The second carol of the 12 Days of Christmas. First one to leave a comment identifying the carol wins. Ready?

It's Boxing Day

But you might not know what that is. Because it's possible that you're not as Anglophilic as your blogging pal Poppy.

In fact, it's probable, because from time to time, we go off the deep end around here.

I mean, Christmas crackers? Really?


Really

But a girl can only be so Anglophilic. So even if in England, Boxing Day is the day you give your servants their presents, on this side of the pond, Boxing Day is the day we give Pete Wentz a well-deserved smack-down over at Mamarazzi.

The Twelve Days of BlogMas: a contest, the rules and day one

First of all, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good morning. We're done opening presents here at Buxom Hall, and I have a few minutes to fool around on the internet before it's time to cook the roast beast.

Some of you have been coming around here for long enough to remember the original 12 Days of Blogmas, where I blogged the 12 days of Christmas by illustrating the lyrics to the song.

And some of the posts were rather clever, if I do say so myself.

And then last year I did a Google Images version of the same thing.

This year I'm branching out. I'm going to celebrate 12 days of Blogmas with Google images, but instead of illustrating the Twelve Days of Christmas, for each of the twelve days, I'm going to illustrate the first line of one of my favorite carols. And I'm not going to make it easy by using an image that shows the word. (At least not in English.)

And to keep things interesting, there will be prizes. I'll award a $15 iTunes or Starbucks gift card to the first person who correctly identifies the carol. That's right! Free tunes or coffee!

And why? Because I'm an attention whore I wish you a merry Christmas. That's why.

So here we go. The first carol of the 12 Days of Christmas. Ready?

And now excuse me. I have to go play with my new iPhone.

My Christmas present to myself is--you'll never guess--that's right! A meme!

I was tagged. By Jasmine. And this time, it was on Facebook. Since I don't know how many of you hang out with me on FaceBook, I thought I'd publish it over here, too.

And I don't care if I'm infringing my own copyright or whatever. It's Christmas eve, and there is only so far I'm willing to go with this whole Blog365 thing.

The Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 17 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 17 random people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

1. Believe it or not, the fact that I'm doing this meme on Christmas eve means almost nothing.


2. In case you think I'm a big loser for doing this, my husband just asked me "is it all right if I go watch my Fellowship of the Ring for a while?" And I said sure.


3. I'm secretly relieved I got so few Christmas cards this year.


4. I've always been kind of a perfectionist about Christmas.


5. Guess who gave up perfectionism for an early New Year's resolution?


6. Except I don't really do New Year's resolutions.


7. I lost a ton of weight in 2003-04, gained some back, lost more in 2007, gained some back, and am now a blimp.


8. Maybe I should have New Year's resolutions.


9. Seriously, when I type I can feel my arm fat move.


10. blackbird called me up yesterday, and I was really touched.


11. Instead of sending Christmas cards I would love to just call up my internet friends whom I heart so much. Because I go back with some of you people longer than I do with some of my flesh friends.


12. Because with some of you it has been 12 years. Can you believe it?


13. I can't wait to open the package that has my iPhone in it. I hate cell phones and I hate digital cameras, but you know how you feel when you switch from driving stick to driving automatic transmission and your hand flops around uselessly with no gears to shift? That's how it feels to have been without a cell phone for over a month.


14. I can't decide whether being more relaxed about Christmas is a symptom of something deeper. Like succumbing to utter slothfulness.


15. Like the window boxes in front of the house. There are two. They're nine feet long. One is cleared of dead plant material and decorated with icicle lights. The other is positively hair with dead plants, and when I checked, last year's strand of lights was broken, so it has no lights. Well, I finally got around to buying a second string of icicle lights. Will I get it together and get them onto the window box? Maybe. By the 27th. In the meantime, I have named the window boxes Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.


16. Also, I was going to bake three kinds of cookies today, and I only baked one. But maybe that's a good thing. See number 7.


17. My favorite things about Christmas are the music and the decorations, anyway.

Post 1,111: What my hair and a roll of toilet paper have in common

Give up?




I blogged about it on BlogHer's Beauty Hacks.

"Tick tock tick tock tick tock"

(See? I really did go to the Madonna concert.)

The tree is up and decorated. And the star is up. All the lights are working, too, which hasn't been the case for the last couple of years.

I actually mailed some cards.

I bought presents for my mother and mother-in-law. I bought presents for my kids, and they are wrapped and under the tree. There are other presents there, too. Maybe not a ton of them, but some.

(One of them is an iPhone for me from my husband. I know this because I already got the email from AT&T welcoming me.)

In non-Christmas news, my son has made it to the two birthday parties he got invited to. And brought gifts. OK, gift cards. Whatever.

I have to write a BlogHer Beautyhacks post tomorrow, and then I hope to get out to do a little last minute shopping. Because I have nothing for my husband, and Brooks Brothers is having a massive sale.

Christmas? No problem. YES WE CAN.

The internet has kidnapped my son. And swapped him for someone else's son. And that might be the least of my problems.

OK, that was incomprehensible, wasn't it? All right. I'll come in again:

You know how you can catch things from the internet? Like say, Joke's kids are throwing up and the next thing you know, mine are?

(Or is it just me imagining things again?)

Well, maybe this is mere conspiracy theory and/or the bourbon talking, but today I came to a startling realization. My son is turning into one of blackbird's. It might not be too much to say that he has been kidnapped and replaced by one of hers.

Not only is his hair getting really long, not only is he scarily good at Guitar Hero and Rock Band, but now he wants to learn how to play the guitar. Like eldest.

And he asked for a video camera for Christmas. Like middle.

And he's developing quite the smart mouth, a la Youngest.

Will it stop here? I think not. Just today I was shopping for puffy coats on Bluefly. Which leads me to believe that I'm turning into blackbird.

Look, I know this sounds crazy, but if my husband starts to get taller, I'm calling the FBI.

We've reached the time of year when nobody is reading blogs, but that's OK because I've got things to do.

And you will be so proud of me because I did a bunch of them!

For example, remember how I felt bad that I didn't make plans for a sixth grade advisory party for my daughter's class? Well, Friday was a snow day, so it didn't matter. Because there was no school! So the teachers don't even know that I had no party planned, no cupcakes ordered, no presents bought for them. And now my kids can show up at school on January 5th with presents for the teachers and we'll look like nice, normal, generous organized people!

Sometimes even the shittiest weather is your friend.

Oh, and Friday was my husband's birthday, except he was out of town in Delaware doing something legal-ly. And there was all this snow all over our steps and front walk and driveway, and I was freaking out about it, because I am not about to shovel the driveway myself, and I can't figure out how to use the snow-blower, and my kids? Are useless. Even my son. Especially my son. Because his boots are two sizes too small for him. But who can go out and buy boots when there's a foot of snow on the ground? Or make her son shovel snow wearing his Merrells?

OK, pan in on Poppy sitting at the dining room table doing a last minute Mamarazzi entry. She looks up and behold! Those annoying neighbors who do everything right have a snowplowing service plowing their driveway.

Well, for me to put on my son's snow boots (that are too small for him but fit me just fine) and run over and snag them to do my driveway was the work of an instant.

And oh my God, they did such a fabulous job and only charged me $60 for the driveway and the front and back steps. So I paid them the $60 and gave each of the guys an extra $20 and most important of all, got their business card. For future reference. We've never managed to find anyone reliable to do our driveway. I'm thrilled.

And I'm not alone. My husband, to whom I gave a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black and an iPod Classic 120G for his birthday? Thinks the snow plowing service is the best birthday present of his life.

OK, so all my weather-related stress was over. So then I sat at my laptop and ordered a buttload of Christmas presents. Nintendo DS, Wii games, Bratz dolls, you name it.

And my cards showed up from Snapfish, so I started doing them, too. And I've written about 30 of them. So there.

So OK. Still no Christmas tree. But lots of progress.

You're relieved, right?

Mamarazzi Friday: Our nipples explode with desire

And it's not for over-sharing Kelly Rutherford, that's for damned sure. Or her nipples. Or her continuing to breastfeed her two-year-old son Hermes while pregnant with her next child.

Got frosting?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, mock little old-fashioned me and my repressed New England belief that tandem nursing is not the sort of thing you talk about while being interviewed by US Weekly.

Of course, if you're blogging about it, all bets are off.

And just so you know, I didn't make fun of the nursing. I made fun of Rutherford for naming her son Hermes. Actually, when I realized that Kelly Rutherford had named her son after the Greek god of scarves, it completely distracted me from her breasts. Thank goodness.

Because you know how at Lamaze class they ask you to envision a comforting place, and everyone comes up with a tropical beach? Yeah, well I don't do beaches so much, so I think about the Hermes flagship store in Paris.

So anyway, Hermes? This is the sugarplum I'll be envisioning on Christmas Eve. The black crocodile Birkin with pave diamond trim.



Yes, it's way over-the-top. One might even call it vulgar. In fact, I do. But it's still just so damned amazing.

So, Santa Baby? Please put this $140,000 Birkin under my $125 Target tree. (If I ever manage to drag it up from the basement and decorate it, that is.)

Because when I think about this purse?

TMI Alert!




my nipples crinkle up like walnuts.

OK, here's what I've done about Christmas:

nothing.

I mean, nothing since last update.

I mean, sure I've got nutcrackers and lights in the windows and a few lights in the yard.

But I've bought almost no presents (last minute internet shopping has atrophied whatever shopping/organizing skills I might have once had) the tree isn't up (my husband has been out of town all week, and there is no one to help me drag the tree up from the basement) and the Snapfish Christmas cards just arrived this afternoon. So they haven't been sent.

And on top of all that, I'm room parent for my daughter's sixth grade advisory. Well, not only have I not done anything about a class party for the wee tots, I haven't bought the teacher a present from the class dues (that I'm not absolutely certain I was supposed to collect) because I never asked anyone about it, and now it's too late.

And check this out: not one but two boys in my son's class decided that we don't have enough festive activities in the second half of December, so they're having birthday parties and they've invited my son. One on Sunday and one on Monday. And my husband's birthday is tomorrow.

Hello? What is with all these people fwomping like crazy in March? Can you not think of any other way to spend your long cold winter evenings? Here's a suggestion for you: instead of having sex yourself, watch the characters on Grey's Anatomy do it instead. Seriously, those people have way more sex than you'll ever have, and that way you won't end up having a baby in the same month as Christmas, causing the whole the world a passle of hassle.

Here's what I did today: drove downtown to take minutes at a board meeting, drove back up, went to my voice lesson, came home and did dishes, took my daughter to her voice lesson, brought stuff to dry cleaners, cooked dinner, drove to Blockbuster, rented three Grey's Anatomy DVDs, watched all the characters having sex while I sat there drinking Diet Coke because it's less fattening than wine, got wired on caffeine, did some more dishes, and remembered that I haven't blogged yet today.

Somehow I don't think this is going to end up being one of those legendary Christmases my kids will be telling their kids about.

But honestly, if all the rest of the normal shit could just go away, and if I didn't have a fucking Christmas music concert with either me or my children performing every fucking night, and if my husband could be home once in a while to carry heavy shit or shovel the driveway when we get a fucking foot of snow ... maybe I'd get some cookies baked. OK, forget that. I don't do cookies. But presents bought, wrapped, and shipped? Yeah. And I'd even get a few cards mailed.

Yes, I am really busy and Christmas is coming and on top of everything else

I just realized my license expired last Friday.

(Because it was--in case I haven't been completely clear--my birthday.)

Hang a shining star upon the highest meme

99 Things

Stolen from Major Bedhead, who stole it from Daysgoby.

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog. Hello? Have we not been paying attention?

2. Slept under the stars.

3. Played in a band. Maybe. See, there was this one time I improvised a little on the electric piano at a strip joint in the Combat Zone in Boston.

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity. Yes. Because I'm not just extravagant when it comes to scarves, makeup, perfume, and pocketbooks.

7. Been to Disneyland/world. More times than I can count.

8. Climbed a mountain Does Mount Monadnock count, and does it count if I was on drugs? Because that's pretty much the only way you'll get me to climb a mountain.

9. Held a praying mantis. Hold one of those big holier-than-thou show-offs? As if. If praying mantises knew what was good for them, they'd go into their closets and pray to their father in heaven in secret.

10. Sang a solo (in the shower). As a friend of mine in college used to say: "I used to wish I could sing. Now I wish you couldn't."

11. Bungee jumped HELL TO THE NO.

12. Visited Paris. Oui, oui times three.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. My stepmother had a house in Maine on the seacoast with a three lighthouse view. I'll never forget watching lightning strike the sea.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. Making beaded jewelry is the only one I can think of, other than my pathetic attempts with needlepoint (boring!) and cooking (mundane.)

15. Adopted a child.

16. Had food poisoning.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables. Peas, string beans, tomatoes, lettuce, and green peppers. About one of each.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France More than once. I always take pictures of the crowds looking at her.

20. Slept on an overnight train. Chicago/New York, first class, with the attendant turning the seats into made-up beds while we ate dinner in the dining car. It was awesome.

21. Had a pillow fight.

22. Hitch hiked.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. If you haven't done that, you can't be my friend.

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb.

26. Gone skinny dipping.

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse. I actually can't remember whether any solar eclipses I've seen were total. Which just goes to show you what an insensitive clod I am. God forbid I play an extra in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, because I probably wouldn't even notice that the sun had disappeared. But I have seen a total lunar eclipse.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset. Not on the same day, though.

31. Hit a home run.

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. I grew up in Massachusetts, my ancestors emigrated from England in 1630, and I've been to England, so yeah, I'd say so. But I haven't tracked down any cemeteries or anything like that.

35. Seen an Amish community. Sort of. My sister used to live in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, which has a lot of Amish. You could tell their farms from the lack of power lines and the hand-made hayricks. But I didn't go party with them or anything.

36. Taught yourself a new language. I'm working on Ubba Dubba.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing. AS FUCKING IF. I wouldn't even go up those rock climbing walls at the gym. NO WAY.

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David. Well ... I saw the copy of the statue outside the museum in Florence where the original stands, but if I remember correctly, there was a national strike that day and we couldn't get in to see it.

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted. I've had mine drawn. It's interesting to see what someone else thinks you look like.

48. Gone deep sea fishing.

49. Seen the Sistene Chapel in person.

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling In Sarasota. I think I swallowed half of the Gulf of Mexico.

52. Kissed in the rain but I was indoors.

53. Played in the mud. I distinctly remember playing in the mud the day John F. Kennedy was shot.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater. Drive-ins are the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of American leisure time activities. What can be better than driving to the movies--and then getting to stay in your car? Nothing, that's what.

55. Been in a movie.

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching.

63. Gotten flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood

65. Gone sky diving. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? JUMP OUT OF AN AIRPLANE?

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp. Somehow this doesn't strike me as a rip-roaring good time.

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square Maybe. I can't remember. I've been there, but I wasn't gawking at the signs or anything.

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job Twice! Yay me!

76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person From an airplane.

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican. I told them Joke says hi.

82. Bought a brand new car.

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper. Only the society pages, darling. (And it was not a big impressive newspaper.)

85. Read the entire Bible. But you're not getting me near those non-canonical books or any of that ridiculous Dan Brown "The Gospel according to Todd, a/k/a the 13th Apostle" nonsense.

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. Because my people like to stick lobsters into pots of boiling water and listen to them scrabbling at the sides of the pot in a vain attempt to escape. I am also extremely ruthless with quahogs and oysters and have been known to swallow them alive.

88. Had chickenpox.

89. Saved someone’s life.

90. Sat on a jury. I've done jury duty half a dozen times, but they never pick me. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

91. Met someone famous. One of the them even sent me flowers.

92. Joined a book club. If you're talking about the kind where you get four books for a dollar, and not the kind where you hang out in someone's living room drinking cheap white wine and pretending to have read The Lovely Bones.

93. Lost a loved one. It sucks.

94. Had a baby. Two.

95. Seen the Alamo in person. I'm not going until they add a basement.

96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone.

99. Been stung by a bee. But I sat on a wasp and it stung me on the ass. It hurt like a motherfucker until I drank myself into insensibility. I believe this encounter handily encapsulates many of the stereotypes about wasps: we are rigid, uncommunicative, venomous people, and the best way to deal with us is to dose yourself with large amounts of ethanol.

e. e. cummings' christmas list

Do you guys realize that Christmas is in 10 days? And that I have bought not even one single present? Except for an alt.fashion Secret Santa person? And even that was supposed to be mailed last week, but is sitting on the radiator in the dining room?

I could be hyperventilating over all the shit I have to do. So I'm listing it using lower case letters, as that way my list seems cute and non-threatening and not nearly so overwhelming.

Ready? What Poppy Has To Do In The Next Ten Days:

1. buy shit
   
2. wrap it
   
3. send out the fugly Snapfish cards I ordered on December 12th. when they get here. which hasn't happened yet.
   
4. get all the crap out of the house, because what's the use of arranging cute decorating tchotkes around if there's clutter all over the place?
   
5. decide if I'm actually going to give presents to my family members--or should I use the tanking economy as an excuse to blow it off?
   
6. if the answer is "yes," do something about that. like I don't already have enough to do, sheesh
   
7. haul the tree up from the basement
   
8. decorate it
   
9. find the stockings. or are they in new hampshire? shit!
   
10. buy more lights for the yard. Four measly strands, two way over on the south side of the house, one strand of icicle lights along one of the two windowboxes, and one pathetic strand wrapped about halfway up a tree by the front door? Isn't cutting it.
    
11. do something about That Stud Muffin I Married's birthday, which is the 19th.
12. really, really, REALLY get on the treadmill, because the Grey's Anatomy-on-DVD-watching/wine drinking habit I've developed has turned me into a
13. lard
14. ass
15. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    

It was easier when you just changed their diapers and put them back into their cribs

I'm OK with arranging my social life; I'm OK with dealing with my children's social lives. But the latest phase is one where they're too old for babysitters, yet can't really stay home by themselves.

So for Saturday night--because we had tickets for Madame Butterfly--instead of calling the agency and getting a babysitter, I arranged two sleep-overs for my kids. Well, what with the phone calls and the packing and the transportation and the little hostess gift for the hostess, and the phone calls and the picking up in the morning? In addition to getting dressed up, picking the menu for dinner in the Graham Room, finding the valet parking ticket, driving to the city and back?

Mr. President? Call me. I'm ready to take over a big-three car company. Maybe not GM, but definitely Chrysler.

Envy me, for I received awesome birthday loot.

OK, there wasn't a lot of it. But what there was was choice. So if you're thinking of sending me a belated birthday gift, this is what you'll have to measure up to:

From my mother, Neil Harris's latest book about Chicago history. Did you know that Chicago has always had second city syndrome, to the point where we even had a New Yorker wannabe magazine?


I read through a bunch of this today and loved it.

OK, on to my next gift. Is this my husband's lucky year or what? About two weeks ago, I lost my cell phone, and at pretty much the same time, my iPod stopped holding a charge. It got so it would only last 45 minutes (and that when all it was doing is playing an audiobook, which is the iPod equivalent of those Indian fakirs who stop breathing for months at a time.)

So that means my very lucky husband has an ideal December in front of him. His gift-giving is a no-brainer. Well, two no-brainers. All he has to do is buy me an iPod classic and an iPhone, and there will be no whining. At least from me--I can't speak for the children.

So that's what he did. He started with the iPod:



That's 120 gigs of pure entertainment, people.

And then a surprise flower delivery from Jen Lancaster. OK, do you finally realize that I'm actually a little bit cool? OK, I'm not a BlogHer speaker and I don't have the ubiquitous superhero necklace, but I don't think Jen sends flowers to just anyone. She's really busy editing her fourth book, ordering Barbies from Amazon.com, talking to Susie Sunshine on the phone, and watching tivo'd Sandra Lee programs, so I am extremely honored that she found time in her busy day to send me flowers.

She also included a really nice note wondering why the florist didn't supply poppies, and begging me not to brag all over the internet that Jen Lancaster, author of Bitter is the New Black, Bright Lights Big Ass, and Such a Pretty Fat remembered my birthday when the rest of you blog-reading tightwads didn't.


The white hydrangeas made an awesome centerpiece, and the striped pot matched the dessert, which was red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.

And that's the kind of serendipity you expect to see on the Martha Stewart Show, which leads me to believe that someone has hacked my brain or maybe my Blogger account--probably Martha McGyver or blackbird, both of whom have much better taste than I do--but at any rate, my work here is done, people. I've got leftover birthday cake to eat.