Why I still buy glittery eye makeup

After all my talk about neutral eyeshadows being best for women of a certain age, why do I have a stash of makeup worthy of a trannie hoarder?

I mean, how many shades of glitter eyeliner does a 53-year-old housewife really need?

Today's face included two: Urban Decay's Spandex (shades of blue) along the upper eyelashes and Distortion (white-ish holographic) along the lower eyelashes. Then there was the MAC shimmer eyeshadows in Crystal Avalanche (white with lots of shimmer) and Contrast (deep blue) and the white lipgloss with sparkles from a Sephora palette topped with another gloss with holographic glitter, this time from a Bratz tube.

Maybe you've figured it out. Today's face wasn't on me.

It was on my daughter, who decided to show her school spirit by decking herself out in school colors.

Right down to her fingernails and eyeshadow.

Me? I'm much more boring. I went to the MAC store on Oak Street in Chicago yesterday to pick up a few shades of eyeshadow for my 15-pan eye shadow palette. I even branched out beyond beige, so at the moment, I'm sporting about six shades of neutral / brown with a little tiny bit of shimmery olive green in the center of my eyelids. (But you have to look really closely to see it.)

Pay no attention to the grubby container full of dead plant on the left!

I think tomorrow I'll make a video about my new MAC eyeshadows. As well as show some of my favorite neutral eyeshadow quads. But it's going to take real skill to make my quads seem as fun as painted-on whiskers.

I'm not dead yet!

Internet, I have been neglecting you. I'm sorry.

See, my husband is out of town for the next month and I've been crazy busy with the non-profit volunteering crappe AND I got smacked with some kind of virus that landed in my throat, swelled up my tonsils, and generally made me miserable.

So the only blogging I've been doing is Contractually Obligated blogging, like the piece I did on updating your eyebrows for BlogHer, and a couple of posts I did for Mamarazzi, like my Field Guide to Reality Show Skanks.

The rest of the time I've been curled up on the sofa with my collection of Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs. I'm almost through with Season 7, which means that I'll soon be blogging again.

Until then, there's something you ought to know. Gargling with a salt water solution every hour really does make your throat feel better!

But it bloats you up like a pregnant lady in her third trimester. I'm just saying.

Ten Things

Blackbird posted recently about ten things that have been good at the office. I'm coming down with something, so at the moment, my office is my king sized bed--but I have 10 good things to tell you about:

1. On the personal front, in the last two weeks, I've survived: a trip to the dentist, two school concerts, three annual meetings, three non-annual meeting-related ladies' luncheons, a Girl Scout's Cadet's flying up ceremony, an engagement party, and Mother's Day. Internet, that is a LOT of irreproachably ladylike behavior from the somewhat loud, obnoxious, and irreverent likes of me.

2. Jen Lancaster's latest book, My Fair Lazy, came out on May 5, and it's already a best-seller. I appear as a character in this book, which means I'm even more famous than I was a month ago. You'll be glad to hear that fame hasn't made some kind of monster of me. I'm pretty humble about the whole thing. But not so humble that I wouldn't want to make sure that the internet realizes Jen didn't actually make me up.

3. Physician's Formula matte eyeshadow quads are rocking my world. They're dirt cheap and the quality is excellent. They're so soft, subtle, blendable, and fun to play with that I'm doing a full-on three-shades-of-eyeshadow dealio every day--even when the only time I see another human being is when I'm wheeling out the recycling bin.

4. Milani has a retractable lip pencil that has stolen the crown from my previous faves, Chanel Nude and Prestige Angora. It's creamier, more of a my-lips-but-better-shade, and I don't have to sharpen it. Mind you, I don't wear it as a liner. I use it all over my lips as a base for gloss. And at $3.49, it's cheap, cheap, cheap.

5. I snagged this pair of Fly London purple Mary Janes on Amazon for something like $50. They are so comfortable! Who cares if my daughter asked me why I always wear such silly shoes? And anyway, it could have been worse. I could have clicked over to Gravity Pope and bought these:

so really, I don't know what her problem is.

6. The Garnier Nutritioniste moisturizer that I love so much that I'm on my fourth bottle? And was afraid had been discontinued? Has NOT been discontinued. The packaging was re-designed. I snagged five bottles of the old design for $2.49 each. (Although the shipping costs were a heinous $14.50.)

7. Lancome's Divine Lasting Curves curling mascara actually works. It is perfect for keeping in my makeup bag, because who wants to carry around an eyelash curler? (This is a rhetorical question being asked by the woman who found three eyelash curlers in her bag the last time she cleaned it out.)

8. Lancome also has an eyeshadow that I got recently as a GWP and just adore. So should you if you have hazel//green eyes. The shade is  called Designer. It's a olive green shade with lots of shimmer--but it's incredibly subtle. I know I'm a strong advocate of a basic, neutral eye shadow, but this stuff goes on sheer and is much more subtle than it looks.

9. Kari at Fabulous Over Forty has called my attention to a root touch-up product that comes packaged like a marker pen. I can't wait to head to Ulta to try it. This sounds like a perfect product for those EEK MY ROOTS ARE SHOWING days.

10. I've accumulated a bunch of neutral eyeshadow quads to tell you about soon. I promise. (When I'm not lying here on my bed of pain, that is.) And some of them are really nice!

Murad's Resurgence, or My New Skin Care Regimen: Let Me Show It To You

At some point last April, I decided to make myself into the internet's guinea pig.

First of all, I realized that I'd stick to a skin care regimen more thoroughly if I was trying to make a point for my invisible internet friends. There would be no more of this deciding I'm too tired to do the full skin care regimen; no sneaking one of my son's Stridex pads to wipe off my makeup; definitely no falling into bed with my makeup on. No cheating.

And so far, it's working. I've been really good about the whole cleanse/treat/moisturize program. (Obviously, I need to bring the internet to the gym with me. And tape a picture of the internet onto my refrigerator. Heh.)

Anyway, this is my current regimen: Dr. Murad's Resurgence night time skincare kit, plus two Garnier Nutritioniste products I really like and don't want to give up: their Ultra-Lift eye cream and SPF28 Daily Moisturizer.*

Murad's Resurgence line claims to target the effects of "hormonal aging," i.e., what happens to our skin as we approach menopause. According to his website, this is what happens:

Low estrogen levels result in weakening of the collagen and elastin fibers. Wrinkles become more prominent, while the skin assumes a dull, discolored, rough, dry appearance. Additionally, women who never had acne in their life may discover unexpected breakouts because of a lack of estrogen in their bodies. You may find that you have an increase in facial hair as well as brown spots and increased sensitivity to skincare products.

Well, thank you Dr. Murad for pointing out all the things to be depressed about, at least when it comes to my complexion. And internet, it turns out I'll make a great guinea pig for you, because all of it is happening to me--except for the unexpected breakouts (knock wood.)

Anyway, since May first, I've been using Murad's Resurgence three step system. It consists of

Renewing Cleansing Cream (4.5 oz/$35) available on Amazon for $25.99

Age-Diffusing Serum (1 oz/$70) available on Amazon for $59.70

Age-Balancing Night Cream (1.7 oz/$80) available on Amazon for $59

I bought the three piece kit on Amazon for $119, when the three pieces purchased separately would cost $185. To find out more details about the products, I checked out Murad's Resurgence website. The website sells the kits, but it also enrolls you into a monthly delivery system, which--no. Just no.

Also, can I just mention how embarrassing it is to buy something and discover, once you've done a little research for a blog post, that it has that "As seen on TV" thingie on the web site? These products have been featured in an infomercial! Shame spiral commencing in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... entering a shame spiral.

Anyway, so far, I like these products. However, I'm not recommending this kit or any Murad product until I've made it through the entire month, because there's no point in being all enthusiastic about my new toy after only using it for a week, only to find out on day 20 that it breaks me out or gives me a rash.

And I made a video about it! Which I'll embed here. So that you can listen to me ramble incoherently about it in real time.




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* If you click on the link to the Garnier Nutritioniste SPF28 Daily Moisturizer, you'll discover that Amazon is selling it for $2.49, yay! Unfortunately, that's because it has apparently been discontinued, boo! So I ... um ... just 1-clicked five bottles.

Disclaimer: The products that I'm not reviewing in this not-review were purchased by me by means of Amazon-1-clicking and two glasses of wine. I'm signed up with that thing that supposedly gives me money if people buy something they see on my blog, but I've never gotten a penny from it, so don't go buy this Murad stuff thinking that you're going to help send my son to college, because it's not happening.

Now is the month of Maying / when merry lads are playing / and ladies who lunch hold one damned lunch after another / Fa la la la

For a lot of people, May is a lovely month, but for me, May is the month when every non-profit, club, and board on the face of the earth holds its annual meeting.

Before I went to an annual meeting, I thought it would be a room full of guys in suits wondering what happened to this year's dividend. I pictured uprisings and gavels being banged and the kind of ruckus you see in those all-Springfield meetings they're always having on The Simpsons. That would have a certain charm.

Unfortunately, in my case, annual meetings are ladies' luncheons where everyone gets all dressed up, listens to boring reports, and eats too much fattening food.

And this week I had three ladies lunches on three successive days. THREE.

It's all an enormous strain. I'm a geek. I'd much rather be talking to the internet about eyeshadow. Instead, I'll be slipping on one of the three versions of this dress I scored at Old Navy and driving downtown to listen to rathah dull reports and eat too much.


(I got it in black, slate blue, and this Yummy Plummy color. Two were $25 and one was $12.95, can you believe it?)

But seriously, people, can you imagine serving lobster souffle and then having coconut cake for dessert? That's a week's worth of calories in a single meal.

Internet, I'd rather hang out with you. Granted, you end up costing me a lot of money (see above) but you're way less fattening, and anyway, I want to finish what I have to say about neutral eye makeup. I mean, let's face it; I'm one of the most interesting people I know. I like making the internet listen to me talk to myself. It's fun.

I also want to tell you about what I'm doing to get ready for my 30th college reunion. Yes, I said it. Thirty years.

I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and try some new things in a last-ditch attempt to impress my classmates with how fabulous I look for my age. I bought a Murad Resurgance starter kit ($119) and started using it on May 1st.

Murad Resurgence 90 Day Kit

I also bought the new five-minute Crest Whitestrips. And some absolutely enormous vitamins.

But I don't know when I'm going to find the time to post, what with all these luncheons.

(I might actually make a video, instead.)