The internet has kidnapped my son. And swapped him for someone else's son. And that might be the least of my problems.

OK, that was incomprehensible, wasn't it? All right. I'll come in again:

You know how you can catch things from the internet? Like say, Joke's kids are throwing up and the next thing you know, mine are?

(Or is it just me imagining things again?)

Well, maybe this is mere conspiracy theory and/or the bourbon talking, but today I came to a startling realization. My son is turning into one of blackbird's. It might not be too much to say that he has been kidnapped and replaced by one of hers.

Not only is his hair getting really long, not only is he scarily good at Guitar Hero and Rock Band, but now he wants to learn how to play the guitar. Like eldest.

And he asked for a video camera for Christmas. Like middle.

And he's developing quite the smart mouth, a la Youngest.

Will it stop here? I think not. Just today I was shopping for puffy coats on Bluefly. Which leads me to believe that I'm turning into blackbird.

Look, I know this sounds crazy, but if my husband starts to get taller, I'm calling the FBI.