Mommybloggers made me gay.

Actually, Mommybloggers didn't make me gay. But reading mommybloggers taught me something very important about myself:

I'm a man.

This is how I know. I've been reading blogs for four years. Most of the bloggers I read are women. I'm getting insights all the time into What Women Want. Sigmund Freud? Call me. I have the answer.

The thing is, I don't want it myself. Which means I'm either a freak or a man. I'd prefer to be a man.

So here's why I think I'm a man:

I don't like to talk on the phone.
I don't like to get dressed up.
I wear what I like and don't really care what's in style.
I watched a single episode of Sex in the City and hated it.
I've never watched Lost, Dancing with the Stars, or American Idol.
I find all soap operas to be insane wastes of time.
I don't really enjoy shopping at Target.
I don't really enjoy shopping, period.
I hate malls.
I don't like going out to lunch.
I don't really understand hinting around or attempts to manipulate me.
I don't find Justin Timberlake, Brad Pitt, or David Beckham sexually attractive.
When my children get hurt, my first reaction is to tell them to stop whining.
I don't like chick lit.
I do like Patrick O'Brian novels.
I think everyone should smell like soap and toothpaste.
I don't even know how to order coffee at Starbucks.
I don't care how things make other people feel.

and most important:

I am extremely uncomfortable when strange men flirt with me.

See? I'm a man.