FedEx is my new boyfriend.

Why?

Because he just showed up with this:

A red iPod Nano. Which is my daughter's Christmas present. Let me remind you, in case you haven't been keeping score: Christmas is tomorrow.

Now, ordinarily, I don't panic when a Christmas present shows up late. My daughter's birthday is in January, so anything that shows up late can transmagicallymogrify into a birthday present.
Same present, different wrapping paper. Bingo!

I believe the Catholics call this "transubstantiation."

So, anyway, as I was saying before I wandered into a theological digression, ordinarily I wouldn't mind if changing the iPod into a birthday present. Except for one thing. In a fit of mushiness, I had opted to have the iPod engraved with a Merry Christmas message. And this would look extremely lame on a birthday gift that got handed over in January.

So when the truck pulled up to deliver the iPod, I wanted to kiss the driver. But I restrained myself.

I did treat him to the sight of all 175 pounds of me magnificently arrayed in mis-matched pink pajamas, though. For which I'm sure he is very grateful.