Oh, those wacky drugstore mascaras.

This is part two of a rant about mascaras--specifically, the crazy brushes. The department store part of it is here.

After being disappointed by Dior and Lancome mascaras,  I ventured into a local Walgreen's, hoping that my beloved L'Oreal Double Extend would be on sale.

Holy crap, people. The mascara section looks like Legoland.

Not Revlon's section; they're too dignified, I guess. And not Almay or Neutrogena; they're too busy trying to look pure. But Maybelline, Covergirl, and Rimmel? Their displays look like an explosion in a rainbow factory.

I blame Covergirl's Lash Blast, which came out in 2007. The fat orange tube promised giant fat lashes, and I'm pretty sure it delivers. Unfortunately, the few times I've tried Cover Girl Lash Blast, I've felt like I was trying to apply mascara with a baseball bat. I might be a late bloomer gym bunny, but my fine motor skills are excellent, so it was pretty disconcerting to try to apply this stuff

and get it on my nose. Or smack myself in the eye. I felt like a complete newbie. Me! But it's not my fault. Look at the size of the brush. And the stem that attaches it to the handle is as big around as my leg.

The mascara that promises super thick lashes gets packaged in a big fat tube, but wait!

The mascara that promises to build length is packaged in a long, slim tube.

And the subtle lash-darkening mascaras, that neither lengthen or thicken particularly dramatically, come in a nice green tube, to prove that they look natural.

(L) Bog brush (R) double helix.

Meanwhile, L'Oreal has apparently explanded beyond my beloved one-end-thickens, one-end darkens formula. Now their double ended mascara will alter your perception of my eye color! (Actually, it won't.) Also please note how the lower end of the wand resembles a bog brush. (I'm using an English slang expression so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of my American readers.)

And on the right, please check out the double helix that is wrapped around the brush on the new Voluminous brush. I've watched a lot of episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and I know this can't be good. I'm afraid to try this mascara for fear that my lashes will mutate.

So, big fat tubes for the volumizing mascaras; long slim tubes for the lengthening mascaras ... I hate to say it, but the utterly transparent marketing efforts offend what's left of my intelligence. And anyway, why does everything have to be so huge? Don't they want their products to fit into my makeup bag? And what about travel? Do I want my pathetic single quart-sized Zip Lock bag to be filled with a monstrous mascara tube and nothing else? I do not.

And really, do they have to be this gaudy?

But I know which drugstore mascara is next on my list to try. CoverGirl Clump Crusher. And not just for the alliteration. No, it's for this video, by Christine at 15 Minute Beauty Fanatic. Watch how she applies 30 coats of it.



I don't know about you, but I'm sold. Even if it comes in a hideous lime green tube and makes me feel about as deft as a Muppet wielding a baseball bat.

Shiny!

Fitness isn't pretty.

Once more, I waited to start blogging until I was completely brain dead.

So I'll leave you with this picture of me, taken just after today's attempt at Level 2 of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Bright sunlight (see the shadow of my iPhone?) and no makeup. And as Mal says on Firefly, "Shiny!"

You know what? I figured out what the Mona Lisa's smile means. Someone told her "Horses sweat; men perspire; ladies glow."

And she thought, "O RLY?"

Because that?

Was a pretty intense 20 minutes, my friends.

What's with all the wacky mascara brushes?

Has anyone else noticed that if you're shopping for a new mascara, it's likely to packaged in a very fat, Crayon-colored tube with a brush that looks like a specialty cleaning tool?

My favorite mascara is my (relatively) old school L'Oreal double ended. One end has that white stuff that makes your lashes look way thicker after you top the white stuff with the colored end. And this particular L'Oreal formula claims to make your lashes healthier. Well, guess what, internet? It's true. My lashes are actually longer and thicker.

The only problem is that my daughter somehow absconded with my tube. Which is highly unhygienic of her, so I told her so. She countered by reminding me that I haven't given her conjunctivitis, which is true. Then she offered to give me back the tube. But I don't want it back now. It is now hers to keep. I mean, she's my daughter, but honestly, I'd rather share her toothbrush. Which is saying a lot.

So anyway, in my search for a replacement, I've been digging through my stash of untrieds. Some were freebies from blogging events, some were travel sizes from GWPs, some arrived in Birchbox or Sample Society shipments.

And most of them were meh.

To start with the most offensive (because I actually paid retail for it) I present

 

 Dior Diorshow Extase Mascara in Plum

This was part of last summer's Nordstrom Anniversary Sale offerings. This collection was all about the purples, so the shade is Plum.

Now, mostly I eschew colored mascara. I'm constantly trying to stifle my inner teenaged girl ("Ooooh! Purple!") and not always succeeding. I realize that Women of a Certain Age can't get away with much in the way of outlandish makeup, but this was an extremely subtle shade of purple. I thought I'd try it to see whether it was softer than black, and flattering to my green eyes.

Well. Not only is it kind of meh in color, it neither lengthens nor thickens substantially. Also, the brush is shaped very strangely. See how it looks like a tiny black bottle brush? I'm sure this is supposed to do something fantastic, but all it did was apply the mascara unevenly.

Lancome Définicils

This is one of those tried-and-true, Allure and InStyle magazine Best-Of winners, so that was my next try. And it is a great mascara for those of us with not-very-long, not-very-thick wispy, insubstantial lashes. Applied lightly, it beefs those babies up and looks great.

Also, it comes in a long, elegant tube and has a normal brush. Both of which are to the good.

The problem lies in its half-life, which approaches plutonium. If I wear it on Monday and remove it Monday night, I wake up with black smudges when I wake up on Tuesday. And Wednesday. And even Thursday.

And so my search continued. Check back tomorrow for Poppy's attempts to replace her beloved L'Oreal Double Extend with another drugstore mascara.

*****

(I have to finish this tomorrow because I'm wiped. I had a fantastic workout today. I did weights and cardio with my trainer, then burned 550 calories on the elliptical. I even came home and took pictures of myself in my workout clothes so I could show you how badly I dress when I'm going to the gym. But now I'm exhausted. This getting up before 6:00 and exercising is wiping me out. It's like I got to my second childhood 20 years early!)

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz ...

Pantyhose: What's with all the hate?

No bare legs for our Kate!

An article in the New York Times caught my eye today, and as soon as I read it, I started rejoicing. Here's a link to "For Pantyhose, It's Back To Work."

Pantyhose ... acceptable again? Even more radical, pantyhose back in style? Have you seen the drubbing pantyhose have been taking in the fashion press for the past 10 years? Nude hose are easily the old lady-est part of my wardrobe. They make my elastic waist Eileen Fisher pants look younger than springtime. How could pantyhose come back into style?

But when you think about it, it makes sense. Anything seriously out of fashion is sure to come back in. Dresses, Mad Men-era silhouettes, "lady" coats, and closed-toe pumps have made a comeback. Why shouldn't pantyhose?

After all, we all know that old saw you hear about the weather: if you wait long enough, it's sure to change. Well, the weather has nothing on fashion. Fashion just takes longer.

Here's how the article opens:

THIS fall, Elisa Dahan is favoring a ladylike silhouette, including body-conscious dresses from Phillip Lim and D&G pencil skirts, all worn with a new favorite accessory: hosiery. “You suddenly have flawless legs without having to do anything,” said Ms. Dahan, 33, a Montreal-based mother of two and co-designer of Mackage, a brand of downtown chic outerwear.

See what's going on here? This woman is a fashion designer, for God's sake, and she supports pantyhose. (Hee!)

And hello, I could have told her about the "suddenly flawless legs." Pantyhose instantly cover up veins, freckles, moles, hair follicles, and crepey flesh. They can make your legs look smooth and tan, even if you haven't shaved/waxed lately, used self-tanner, or been to the beach. They get rid of jiggle. If you have any tendency towards chub rub, they'll take care of that. They can be self-effacing or the focal point of your outfit. They double as girdles. They can even make shoes more comfortable.  

Madge has known all this for years.

What's bad about them? OK, they can be hot. If they don't fit correctly, they can be miserably uncomfortable. And of course, they run. And you really have to stay away from the drugstore brands. L'Eggs Suntan is of the devil. And then there was this time when a pair I was wearing spontaneously decided to fall off my body. No, I don't know how that happened, either.

But here's the thing. If you're a day or two past your last shave and you're a little pale, what's faster, easier, and cheaper?

1. Pulling on a pair of pantyhose

or

2. Waxing/shaving your legs; tanning/self-tanning/applying leg makeup

But don't listen to me; listen to the smartypants at the New York Times. And Dr. Patricia Wexler, who has been getting quoted in Allure for over 20 years:

But in a season when the fashion spotlight is on the leg, hosiery is finding a new generation of fans who don’t view stockings as a necessary evil mandated by office dress codes and social mores, but as a bona fide style choice with long-forgotten cosmetic powers. “It’s like that old trick cameramen use, putting a Wolford stocking over the lens to soften the look of skin,” said Dr. Patricia Wexler, a New York dermatologist who treats the fashion elite. “Except you’re actually putting it on the leg.”

No kidding. Just imagine--pantyhose actually have a purpose! They weren't invented merely to torment us!

Next thing you know, someone will realize that bras hold your breasts up. And water is wet. 

And wait until you hear this: pantyhose are new and improved:

Softer yarns, new knitting techniques (more open weaves and seamless finishes), and other innovations (like micro-encapsulated moisturizers) have made putting on and wearing hosiery a more pleasurable experience, companies say. “These are not the uncomfortable, tourniquet-type stockings women couldn’t wait to take off,” said Cathy Volker, executive vice president of global licensing for Donna Karan, which in September began selling the first new line of stockings the company had introduced to the marketplace in 10 years. Called Evolution, the line (priced at $28 a pair) features graduated compression, meaning the amount of pressure on the leg is greatest at the ankle and calf and decreases as the stocking moves upward. 

So please, ladies. Give pantyhose another chance. Or at least, don't roll your eyes when you see me wearing them.

Can't we all just get along?

Shopping and eating and *not* working out, or, several deadly sins

Internet! Thanks for all the compliments and good wishes. I wish I could return the favor by continuing to be inspiring, but today was about self-indulgence. One might even say today was about full-on sinning.

First, there was my appalling sloth. Please note the time in this loving exchange I had this morning with Mr. Buxom. (I'm the one in blue.)

Following breakfast, I indulged in some avarice.

I recently decided that the Gap Essential Scoop Neck tee is my favorite style.

The cotton is substantial, it shows enough clavicle to keep me from looking like Mae West in an inflatable life jacket, and it's a lot cheaper than the Nordstrom and Talbot's tee-shirts that are cluttering up my drawers.

So I decided to buy some--in black, gray, and white. It occurred to me that I had a pile of Gap Card Rewards to use up. Then it turned out that the Gap was having its friend and Families sale and everything in the store was 30 percent off.  What with my gift cards and the discount and the free shipping for purchases over $50, I ended up scoring seven $14.95 tee-shirts for $24.70. And I chortled like some crazy combination of Becky Bloomwood and Ebenezer Scrooge as I realized I had paid a bit more than 3.00 a shirt.

Then I took my daughter shopping because she needs a long dress for a formal dance she'll be going to later this month. We did very well at Bloomingdale's, where a sale was in progress. She tried on six dresses and looked stunning in every single one. Honestly, if I tried on six evening dresses and looks that good in all of them, I'd drag Mr. Buxom to every black tie event in Chicago. At any rate, she picked out one that I can't find anywhere, but it's lovely and age-appropriate and I was filled with maternal pride.

Say hello to Blue Blood

After helping my daughter in and out of so many dresses, I celebrated by stopping by the Estee Lauder counter, because some of the new nail polish shades filled me with an ungovernable lust. 

and Viper

Of course, I don't need to go into detail about the dinner I ate when I got home, right? Red wine, crackers with blue cheese, Korean spicy Sashimi, and the Hot Night Roll? Not to mention the Starbucks Peppermint Mocha and the birthday cake pop?

Trust me; it was a symphony in greed.

Luckily for me, tomorrow is another day!

p.s. A word to the wise: did you know that a Starbucks Cake Pop has 170 calories? It's so tiny and so caloric, you might as well be eating fudge.

What I Wore Today

Worth Coffee Bean ponte laser cut dress and Tsubo Mary Janes (similar)

Today I was up at 5:45 so I could get to the gym for a 7:00 workout with Terri (In case you're in the market, that's Terri Ellman at LifeTime Fitness in Skokie, Illinois.) As you can see, the midriff bulge hasn't gone anywhere yet. This dress is a size 14. A very fitted size 14.

Really, it's snug enough that it's almost vulgar. If I weren't planning on losing more weight, I'd size up just so I wouldn't have to remember to suck. in. my. stomach. every. single. second. Instead, I'm congratulating myself that at the rate I'm losing weight (about half a pound a week) it will actually fit and look OK by spring. Without Spanx. And that's allowing for the amount of eating and drinking I indulge in over the holidays.

I wanted to show you the fun laser cut back. Hello, hipster glasses!

I wore this with some two-year-old Tsubo color-blocked Mary Janes.

I carried my crazy tie-dyed cashmere shawl to ward off any chilliness

as well as my giant purple Prada purse

for the all-important Style Blogger's Pop Of Color. And an alliterative one, at that.

I also wore sheer hose (I know, I know, very old lady. But trust me; you don't want to see my veins.)

I'm wearing Chanel's Malice on my nails.

My picture will never do this polish justice, so here is one from The Beauty Look Book

Malice is their holiday 2012 polish shade, and it's absolutely gorgeous--a blackened red with subtle micro-glitter. It's sort of like OPI's I'm Not Really a Waitress, except vampier and micro-glittery rather than frosty. If you like vampy nail polish shades, you'll love this red. It's very wearable--definitely not Christmas-y.

I love it with a hard, gem-like flame and might even buy a back-up bottle.

What was in the box, or getting my diet's Worth

OK. Worst. Title. Ever.

What I'm trying to convey in that terrible pun is the idea that my reward for being at the gym at 7:00 a.m. is new clothes, and lots of them.

You know how economists talk about the pent up demand consumers feel when they've locked up the credit cards because the economy is tanking and they're feeling insecure about their jobs? I'm experiencing that on the micro level. I hadn't been buying that many clothes because, as I may have mentioned once or twice, shopping is no fun when you're feeling fat. So now that I've dropped a dress size, I'm making up for several lean years where I really didn't buy very many clothes.

Which brings me to Worth New York. This is one of those mid-range clothing companies that does direct sales, like the Carlisle Collection and Doncaster. You don't see these clothes in stores; you get invited to trunk shows in someone's home or a hotel suite or something.

A friend of mine has become a representative and invited me to check the stuff out. Usually I run away screaming when a friend of mine wants me to sell me stuff, but I have very few clothes that fit. So my friend lucked out--I bought a ton of stuff. I ordered it in late October, and a couple of days ago, a box showed up with the following:
 
This dress in a sludgey slate blue--there's an interesting zipper detail in the front.

This very fitted dress in a very dark brown that has an interesting laser cut design on the back.

An enormous, sheer, tie-dyed cashmere shawl in shades of dark olive, cream, and brown. This other woman and I were taking turns trying it on with various clothes. We were arranging for fractional ownership of it when she decided to let me have it. It doesn't look that wonderful, but trust me. You want to cuddle with it.

 This skirt? Well, I'll let the fine writers at Worth New York tell you about it:

This skirt is a mixture of sectioned leather and fabric in a black color. The addition of fabric to the leather softens the skirts [sic] and stops it from being to [sic]edgy and confrontational.

I don't actually mind edgy, but I draw the line at confrontational.

Finally, we have my costume for when I want to go out on Halloween as one of Coco Chanel's shop girls, circa 1955.

It's black wool knit with a detachable collar and cuffs, and I wore it to a meeting today. Afterwards, I sashayed through the Chanel boutique. They didn't offer to hire me, so I think I'll apply for a job as copy editor on the Worth New York website.

But wait: there's more. Another box showed up today!

When it comes to shopping losing weight, I'm nothing if not thorough.