My political hangover

I find that when I've overdone it with the salty snacks and sweets (the way I did when watching election returns last night) I can't do too rigorous a detox the next day. For one thing, even though I tottered off to bed feeling bloated and vaguely greasy and swearing that I would never eat again, after about 12 hours, my body has a way of getting hungry.

I can't have stretched my stomach with one night's over-indulgence, can I? So maybe it's a blood sugar thing.  My blood sugar was at the top of Everest, and the next day, it's somewhere in the Mariana Trench.

At any rate, my usual breakfast would have left me starving by 10:00 a.m.

I've found the best way of dealing with the situation is to make a Weight Watchers style check list of what you're going to consume. Weight Watchers wants me to drink eight glasses of water, eat five servings of fruits and vegetables, eat some healthy oil, and take a vitamin. I rarely rise to Weight Watchers' standard (mostly because I hate taking vitamins). But on a day like today, it's a good idea to even outdo Weight Watchers, with their measly five servings of fruits and vegetables.

For example, in The Skinny Rules, Bob Harper ordered me to drink a glass of water before each meal, and to eat a serving of berries and an apple every day.

I guarantee that if you're not much in the habit of drinking water (and I'm not) that water and those two extra servings of fruit will have you hydrated and positively crammed with antioxidants and phytonutrients and such.

What's this to me? you may ask. Well, you may not have inhaled every chip in your precinct the way I did, but this advice will stand you in good stead come Thanksgiving.

***

In other news, a big heavy box of goodies was delivered today. It's a bunch of new clothes from Worth New York. I'll be opening it tomorrow. At this point, I can't even remember what I ordered. Was it this?

I hope so.

Come back and check it out!

The two-party system is fattening.

I weigh in on Tuesdays now, and this morning, I was delighted to tip the scales at a mighty 171.6. This means I currently weigh less than I have since 2005 or some such. And that I could weigh 160-something by Thanksgiving.

I'm losing weight at a rate of less than a half pound a week, which is healthy and prudent and allows me to eat and drink as much like a normal person as possible. But at times, the process feels as slow and tedious and mind-numbing as a descriptive passage by Anthony Trollope. Maybe even Henry James.

At any rate, I was all calloo, callay this morning, so I decked myself out in my new cute color-blocked cashmere dress.

Magaschoni Colorblock Cashmere Dress

Which I bought recently, and is now on sale for $139.

Anyway, I voted, and then I went to a ladies' luncheon at a ladies' club in Chicago, where I inhaled everything they served me. I really intended to have some broth or something for dinner.

And I stuck to my resolution and fed the kids and sat down in front of the television to watch election returns.

Well, honestly, who knew that Presidential elections were so fattening? I sat there and listened to the talking heads, switching from ABC (where Diane Sawyer looked great) to Fox (where I was extremely disturbed by Megyn Kelly's helmet head) to MSNBC (where I tried to tell whether Rachel Maddow was wearing false eyelashes). Hey, this is gripping stuff, people! 

But no matter what I watched, Messieurs Obama and Romney acted like a pair of groundhogs and refused to come out and give their speeches.

Meanwhile, I ate the leftover pasta carbonara and broccoli, then started to wolf down every disgusting snack in the house. I ate Junior Mints and Cheddar Flavored Sun Chips and Amstel Lite and a Skinny Cow Fudge Bar and an entire punnet of fresh strawberries.

I'm not going anywhere near a scale tomorrow, because I know I'll have gained five pounds. and I blame the United States Constitution in general, and the electoral college in particular.

When an X becomes an O

Here's the thing about midlife--basically, aging in general. You think you know yourself, but you keep finding out that you're wrong.

Take the way I describe myself as a brunette, when the brown has been courtesy of my hairdresser for over 15 years. Or the way I think I'm super pale, when I'm actually not the palest possible shade of foundation any more. (Years of accumulated sun damage will do that.)

And here's the latest curve ball Mother Nature has thrown me: I think that I'm an X, when I'm actually an O.

OK, let me explain. According to Mary Duffy, who wrote The HOAX Fashion Formula, women have four body types:

• H bodies go straight up and down, with little curve at the waist
• O bodies also carry their weight in the waistline, but their hips are actually smaller than their waists
• A bodies are the classic pear shape--small upper body and waist with full hips, thighs, and buttocks
• X bodies are the classic hourglass: basically the same size on top and bottom

Because I have a balcony and hips, for years, X was my category. Now? Well, I'm trying to solve The Case of the Disappearing Waistline.

Here I am at 5'7" and 172, after two hours at the gym where I worked hard at burning off the Crisco I'm hiding not too successfully under my too-tight t-shirt.

I'll have you know that in the elliptical portion of this morning's workout, I burned 520 calories.

Not that you can tell. 

I may or may not have had a pineapple/orange/banana/whey protein smoothie. So let's say I did, and that accounts for some of the midriff bulge.

Here's a front view, where I'm demonstrating that if you want to look thinner, you should angle your body, rather than pose with both shoulders and both hips square to the camera.

On the other hand, if you want to show the world your midriff bulge, facing the camera straight on is an excellent idea.

So here I am, trying to figure out what I am, now that I'm obviously no longer an X. Since my hips aren't smaller than my so-called waist, I can't be an O.  It looks like until get rid of this extra chunk through my middle, I'm no longer an X, I'm an H. And that means everything I've learned in the past 35 years about what silhouettes flatter me? Is now obsolete.

This is right up there with the realization that my hair is actually gray.

Weekend update

This was not a great weekend on the diet and fitness front. My sister and niece were visiting so I couldn't spend my time working out and drinking whey protein smoothies.

On Friday night, I demolished the bread basket at Rosebud on Rush, drank two Manhattans, and ordered one of those dishes where you look at the menu and there's a salad with a few ingredients, and all you see is ARUGULA but when it shows up it turns out it's all about the FRIED EGGPLANT. Also MOZZARELLA. With a measly, garnish-sized allotment of arugula, as a sop to the groundlings.

Saturday wasn't horrible because we went to a college open house in the south loop and walked for blocks and blocks. So I wasn't at the gym, but I wasn't sitting on the sofa watching a Hoarders marathon and eating chips straight out of the bag.

The open house had a free lunch that featured sandwiches and a delicious potato salad (BAD) but also skewers of fresh fruit, so OK, whatever.

Also my breakfasts where pure as the driven. Shredded wheat, banana, skim milk, and unicorn blood. (What? Just seeing if you're paying attention.)

On the bright side I worked out like crazy on Friday and will again on Monday. And I had a great visit with my sister and niece.

You know what? The only thing harder than two hours at the gym is blogging every day about fitness. I don't know how these healthy living bloggers do it. How do they keep people interested? I'm boring myself, for God's sake.

Do you think A&E is running any Hoarders episodes at the moment?

Hwe Deop Bap is my new BFF

I've had a lovely visit with my sister and niece, but boy oh boy am I tired. Friday was busy busy busy and today we went to Columbia College Chicago for an open house. We started at the north end of the campus, and walked all over the place. We saw performances and presentations by various department heads and it was great, but tiring.

But what did I wear?

A Tory Burch black wool cardigan over a white tee

Mulberry colored Banana Republic skinny cords (which I can't find on the website)

Jimmy Choo motorcycle boots

Brooks Brothers black leather trench jacket

Mulberry colored wrist worms

and a purple Prada zip top satchel.

After a long day of visiting and talking, it was nice to sit down to a big bowl of spicy Korean sashimi ... with brown instead of white rice.

Random like a number

Hey everybody, no real time to post, so I'll just throw stuff at you.

1. You know you're losing weight when you wonder why your underpants feel so tight and realize you're wearing your 15-year-old daughter's.

2. I took some measurements today. The fattest part of my thigh is eight inches bigger than Scarlett O'Hara's waist. For those of you who haven't read GWTW lately, that's 25 inches. Internet, never mess with me. Or I will crush you between my giant thighs.

3. Somewhere in my desk there exists a small stash of diet journals, kept mostly to:

(Pick one)

a.  make me feel bad
b.  inspire me
c.  record various lower-calorie recipes I've devised over the years.

In one of them, I found the lowest weight I've been as an adult. It's 143 pounds.

That was 21 years ago.

4. I went to one of those clothing sales where your girlfriend fills a room with racks of clothes and you find things you like, but they're never in your size, so you try on other stuff to get a feel for how things will fit. I ordered two pairs of pants because they were a size 12.

 5. My sister is in town with my niece to visit the open house at Columbia College. There will be visiting and partying and possibly some shopping, and I'm doing my best to remember that at 95 calories, Amstel Light is my new best friend.

Happy weekend, everybody!

Gym bags for the beauty obsessed

I suppose I could start a month-long series of blog posts devoted to diet and fitness with my stats--how much weight I've lost, how much more I intend to lose--that sort of thing. But I think I should play to my strengths and blog about what I know.

I run into a lot of "what's in my handbag" posts, but I don't read a lot of (read: any) diet/fitness blogs, so I don't know whether people talk about what they keep packed in their gym bags.

But over the past five months, I've kept a bag packed in the car because I've reached the point where I am hit by spontaneous urges to go work out. Yes, really. You never know when the urge to work out will strike! So here's what's in my gym bag--I mean, in addition to workout clothes and clean underwear and flip-flops and such.

Skincare

Even though my skin is, in general drier than it used to be, probably because I am, in general, older than I used to be--working out all the time has a mitigating effect. All that cardio definitely adds a glow, and my skin feels softer and more comfortable. This wouldn't be the case if I were spending two hours a day in a chlorine pool, but since I'm usually working with a trainer or on the elliptical, it's almost as if I'm hitting the steam bath on a regular basis.

Actually, come to think of it, I'm pretty much a walking steam bath. (Yuck!)

Anyway, I've learned that in the morning when I head to the gym, I should be absolutely bare-faced. I really dislike the sensation of sweating off a face full of makeup. I don't even wear moisturizer, since my moisturizer has sunscreen, and when I sweat the sunscreen runs into my eyes and stings. So I do my workout and then go clean up. And finally get around to using some products. But not many!

I always have a package of Oil of Olay wipes

because they're spill-proof, non-irritating, and refreshing.

I carry some Garnier Nutritioniste eye cream

because the eye area is the only part of my face that feels truly dry these days.

And right now, instead of a lot of different skin treatments, I'm just using beauty balm

to see whether it can take the place of moisturizer, sunscreen, and base. So far so good!

Body

I definitely need to put on lotion after a shower, so I've been relying heavily on scented body lotions. They're easier than carrying fragrance and lotion, and they don't break. Right now I'm enjoying Chanel #19.

Hair

Ack, hair. OK, I hate the hair dryers at my gym because they don't have nozzles to concentrate the air flow, and when I use them, my hair ends up a frizzy mess. That means if I really want to look good, I have to pack my own blow dryer. And a brush. And a heat-styling product. And maybe a flat-iron. Which adds up to a second gym bag just for my hair.

So what I really do is check to see how well my hair has survived my workout. If I think I can get away with it, I use a shower cap and skip the shampoo / blowout. Of course, I make sure I have some covered elastic bands. And some Klorane dry shampoo. I mean, I'm not totally without standards.

I can see your eyes rolling from here. Great. The internet thinks I'm gross. FINE.

Makeup

I always pack a stash of makeup in my gym bag, because when I get rushed, I am wont to do things like pack a full-on ladies-who-lunch outfit--and then forget to bring my makeup.

When I'm getting dressed at home, I'll amuse myself by coordinating my makeup to my outfit--say, gray and plum eye shadows when I'm wearing purple. But for the gym, I need to carry a bag of basic makeup that is guaranteed to look good with anything I'm wearing. It should also be non-breakable, leak-proof, and cheap, since it's going to be spending a lot of time in the car.

In addition to my beauty balm, I tend to carry a cream blush in a goes-with-everything shade of pale rose pink.

 Revlon Colorburst Lip Butter in Pink Truffle

Mascara and eyelash curler

Concealer

And an eye quad for when I really feel like putting on the dog.