Remember when after 9/11, the French announced that "we are all Americans?"
Well, I guess that means that as of this morning, the Americans have become British.
So hands across the water, guys.
(Just so you know, with one hand, I'm waving and blowing kisses to the Brits. With the other, I'm giving terrorists the finger.)
--P.
Thursday, July 7, 2005
Monday, July 4, 2005
Sunday, July 3, 2005
Envy me
OK, maybe you wouldn't want to attend the Harold Lloyd Festival at Chicago's historic Music Box Theater.
But you have to envy the way I've managed to snooker my husband and children into going with me.
All I had to do was go to see Madagascar with them yesterday. And actually, it was pretty good. No complaints at this end.
And my films are double features, neener neener!
--P.
But you have to envy the way I've managed to snooker my husband and children into going with me.
All I had to do was go to see Madagascar with them yesterday. And actually, it was pretty good. No complaints at this end.
And my films are double features, neener neener!
--P.
Saturday, July 2, 2005
An open letter to Tom Cruise
Dear Tom,
You know all that posturing and opining we've been hearing about? One thing is clear from all of it; you think we care what you think. Well, why is that? Because you're smart? Well-educated? A well-known author? A Republican shill-for-hire pundit?
No, apparently we care what you think because you're a movie star.
Well, Tom, here's a list of films I haven't seen. Read it and weep:
So, Tom, since I'm clearly pretty much underwhelmed by your thespian talents, what do you suppose are the odds that I'd be willing to take your medical advice? Or your opinions on theological matters?
Those are rhetorical questions, Tom. And since I've barely heard of you, despite all those movies I haven't seen, I see no reason to believe that you've heard of me. So I'll answer the question: the odds are a hell of a lot slimmer than I am.
But here's what's cool. Apparently, I have--unbeknownst to me--been boycotting you since before you went crazy. I was boycotting Tom Cruise before you went Tom Cruise™. I'm sort of like the guy in the Moliere play who discovered he'd been speaking prose all his life. I mean, I always thought that I just didn't like big-ass loud blockbuster movies. Or that I wasn't a gay male. I didn't realize I was really onto something--but I guess somehow I figured out way early on that you needed to be shunned.
It's been lonely out here in the pop culture vanguard. But I have a feeling a few other people are going to be joining me very soon.
--P.
You know all that posturing and opining we've been hearing about? One thing is clear from all of it; you think we care what you think. Well, why is that? Because you're smart? Well-educated? A well-known author? A Republican shill-for-hire pundit?
No, apparently we care what you think because you're a movie star.
Well, Tom, here's a list of films I haven't seen. Read it and weep:
- War of the Worlds (2005) .... Ray Ferrier
- Collateral (2004) .... Vincent
- The Last Samurai (2003) .... Nathan Algren
... aka The Last Samurai: Bushidou (USA: poster title) - Minority Report (2002) .... Chief John Anderton
- Vanilla Sky (2001) .... David Aames
- Mission: Impossible II (2000) .... Ethan Hunt
... aka M:I-2 (USA: DVD box title (promotional abbreviation))
... aka Mission: Impossible II (Germany) - Magnolia (1999) .... Frank T.J. Mackey
... aka mag-no'li-a (USA: promotional title) - Eyes Wide Shut (1999) .... Dr. William 'Bill' Harford
... aka EWS (USA: promotional abbreviation) - Jerry Maguire (1996) .... Jerry Maguire
- Mission: Impossible (1996) .... Ethan Hunt
... aka Mission Impossible - Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994) .... Lestat de Lioncourt
... aka Interview with the Vampire (USA: short title) - The Firm (1993) .... Mitch McDeere
- Far and Away (1992) .... Joseph Donnelly
- Days of Thunder (1990) .... Cole Trickle
- Born on the Fourth of July (1989) .... Ron Kovic
- Rain Man (1988) .... Charlie Babbitt
- Young Guns (1988) (uncredited) .... Cowboy
- Cocktail (1988) .... Brian Flanagan
- The Color of Money (1986) .... Vincent
- Top Gun (1986) .... Lt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell
- Legend (1985) .... Jack
... aka Legend: Ultimate Edition (USA: reissue title (video title)) - All the Right Moves (1983) .... Stef
... aka All Right - Risky Business (1983) .... Joel Goodsen
- Losin' It (1983) .... Woody
- The Outsiders (1983) .... Steve Randle
- Taps (1981) .... David Shawn
... aka The Siege at Bunker Hill: T.A.P.S (UK: TV title) - Endless Love (1981) .... Billy
So, Tom, since I'm clearly pretty much underwhelmed by your thespian talents, what do you suppose are the odds that I'd be willing to take your medical advice? Or your opinions on theological matters?
Those are rhetorical questions, Tom. And since I've barely heard of you, despite all those movies I haven't seen, I see no reason to believe that you've heard of me. So I'll answer the question: the odds are a hell of a lot slimmer than I am.
But here's what's cool. Apparently, I have--unbeknownst to me--been boycotting you since before you went crazy. I was boycotting Tom Cruise before you went Tom Cruise™. I'm sort of like the guy in the Moliere play who discovered he'd been speaking prose all his life. I mean, I always thought that I just didn't like big-ass loud blockbuster movies. Or that I wasn't a gay male. I didn't realize I was really onto something--but I guess somehow I figured out way early on that you needed to be shunned.
It's been lonely out here in the pop culture vanguard. But I have a feeling a few other people are going to be joining me very soon.
--P.
Cruella de Shoes
Poor PETA Rabbit. Look what they've gone and made him into. A pair of backless green satin platform mules with a four-inch wedged heel.
Absolutely perfect, if you're planning on making a return appearance in your critically-acclaimed role as a FemBot in Austin Powers. Because that pink they had you wearing was soooooo 1997.
--P.
Absolutely perfect, if you're planning on making a return appearance in your critically-acclaimed role as a FemBot in Austin Powers. Because that pink they had you wearing was soooooo 1997.
--P.
The Love List
Tea
Etiquette books
What am I saying?? Books in general
Meritocracies. (Do any exist?)
Real bread baked in a brick oven with a serious crust
Splenda
Shopping
Hanging out with my pals
Organic produce, and yes, there is a huge difference
Bourbon
Creme de cassis
Champagne
British invasion rock n roll
Disco
Bluegrass
Elvis Costello
Men who can see past my big hooters to realize I have brains
Marilyn Horne. Holy shit, what a voice.
People with manners
My internet pals
an ice-cold Perfect Manhattan, straight up, with both the cherry and a twist of lemon
Haute couture
Good grooming
My house, a/k/a that tear-down I live in
Antiques
black and white photographs
hand-written letters
Etiquette books
What am I saying?? Books in general
Meritocracies. (Do any exist?)
Real bread baked in a brick oven with a serious crust
Splenda
Shopping
Hanging out with my pals
Organic produce, and yes, there is a huge difference
Bourbon
Creme de cassis
Champagne
British invasion rock n roll
Disco
Bluegrass
Elvis Costello
Men who can see past my big hooters to realize I have brains
Marilyn Horne. Holy shit, what a voice.
People with manners
My internet pals
an ice-cold Perfect Manhattan, straight up, with both the cherry and a twist of lemon
Haute couture
Good grooming
My house, a/k/a that tear-down I live in
Antiques
black and white photographs
hand-written letters
The Hate List
Instant coffee
Chick Lit
Television
Racism
Spongey white supermarket bread
Sweet 'n' Lo
Going to the dentist
Having to make small talk with the people who cut and color my hair
The ground meat at regular supermarkets
Scotch
Cognac
Gin
Heavy metal music
Stupid over-produced R&B
Country music
Gangsta Rap
Sexism
Easy Listening Classical music, like Charlotte Church singing arias from Carmen. Just shut UP.
Celebutantes
Celebrities. Especially Tom Cruise.
Idiotic variations on straight up cocktails erroneously called "martinis." Stop it.
90 percent of the new fashions unleashed on women
So-called "French" manicures and (ew!) pedicures
Faux Tuscan houses
Faux Tuscan furniture
Americans who buy tapestries to hang in their faux chateaux. (I actually haven't seen this, but I get the catalogs.)
Junk mail
--P.
Chick Lit
Television
Racism
Spongey white supermarket bread
Sweet 'n' Lo
Going to the dentist
Having to make small talk with the people who cut and color my hair
The ground meat at regular supermarkets
Scotch
Cognac
Gin
Heavy metal music
Stupid over-produced R&B
Country music
Gangsta Rap
Sexism
Easy Listening Classical music, like Charlotte Church singing arias from Carmen. Just shut UP.
Celebutantes
Celebrities. Especially Tom Cruise.
Idiotic variations on straight up cocktails erroneously called "martinis." Stop it.
90 percent of the new fashions unleashed on women
So-called "French" manicures and (ew!) pedicures
Faux Tuscan houses
Faux Tuscan furniture
Americans who buy tapestries to hang in their faux chateaux. (I actually haven't seen this, but I get the catalogs.)
Junk mail
--P.
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