"Hi, my name is Joe Blow, and I'm calling to urge you to vote for my law school roommate, Dick Douchebag, who is running for Cook County dog catcher."

OK, maybe that's exaggerated.

But not by much.

Now I know why they call it "Super Tuesday."

It's because it takes super-human willpower to keep from ripping the fucking phone off the fucking wall and fucking flushing it down the fucking toilet.