My iPhone wrote this post

I like to think that my particular blogging forte is Deep Thoughts on Shallow Subjects, but I'm a little short on fashion and style thoughts these days. (This will no doubt please the two or three weirdos readers who would rather hear about my life.) Therefore, the following is a version of My Life in Pictures. With commentary. And a minimum of whining.

A few weeks ago, Mr. Buxom and I drove out to Hancock, New York, to watch our kids in a production of Les Miserables.

Here they are being peasants. Miss Buxom's cheeks are extremely red, partly because of the lavish way I applied Chanel's Rouge (from the Fall 2011 Byzantine collection.) But also because she was coming down with walking pneumonia.

After two days of driving from New York, we were greeted by the news that our house, which had been full of painters for five days, was going to be full of painters for Quite a While Longer. The painting, it took much time. The patching, it went on for many days. Only to be followed by the sanding, and the depositing of lavish amounts of plaster dust.

Please notice the lovely soft celadon/light avocado green in my dining room. Also note the Chinoiserie curtains. (Honestly, someone with such Old Lady taste in interior decorating should shut her pie hole about fashion, don't you agree?)

See the trim over the sideboard? It used to be two asymmetrical white rectangles. I asked the painter to make it one big rectangle. Now I can hang art. Or a mirror. Or sconces! Maybe all three! What joy.

Wow, I really need to polish those candlesticks. And put everything back where it belongs.

Study in chocolate

Mr. Buxom's study used to have navy blue wallpaper with a pattern of stars. Now it's painted chocolate brown. I hope bird approves, as Mr. Buxom's study doubles as bird's guest quarters. Please note the dramatic effect of the super dark walls only partially illuminated by the afternoon sun. That, my friends, is Style.

OK, now we're up to a week ago.

On our way to take Miss Buxom to the doctor to hear the bad news about the walking pneumonia (which I've decided to call La Pneumonie Marchante out of free-floating Francophilia, and because she contracted it while she was being a French Peasant, and also because the French pronounce the "P" in "Pneumonie," which amuses me to no end) we discovered that the previous evening's torrential rain storms had caused flooding in my basement. And some destruction of drywall and such.

So. Disease, dust, disaster, distruction ... somehow I'm not doing a lot of shopping.

Thank goodness I'm still in deep, deep love with the bag I bought last April.

I've also fallen down on the grooming front. 

Faux Fuschia, please note that it's not chipped, per se. But it's still revolting.

Ooh-la-la! Those nails are misérables! I desperately need a new Shellac manicure. I've put  off my re-Shellacing due to zee Puh-nee-mo-nie, the painting, and the flooding, but I'll be dealing with it very, very soon.

Because? On Wednesday, we're flying to London.

p.s. The house is still at sixes and sevens, but Miss Buxom is just fine.

L'Oreal's Double Extend with Lash Boosting Serum works! And it won't make you blind.

Jan Marini's late, lamented, and very naughty lash growth serum

Like a lot of other idiots, when Jan Marini came out with her original Age Intervention eyelash growing serum, I bought a tube of the stuff. Even though it cost--wait for it--$160. The shame! It burns.

There was some science blather that didn't really interest me about how it worked--I knew it started as glaucoma medication, contained prostaglandin, and worked by arresting the eyelashes' growth/shedding cycle. The main thing was that it worked.

But then my gorgeous friend Liz saw an article saying that using this miracle lash growing potion was a really bad idea. It mentioned scary things like iris color change and blindness and whatnot. And Jan Marini recalled the product. So I stopped using it, and my eyelashes devolved to their original wispy, pathetic state.

Then, the other day, I spotted L'Oreal's Double Extend mascara. I've been using L'Oreal's Double Extend mascaras for years, so I was intrigued. Because this formula included lash boosting serum.

You're familiar with these two-ended mascaras, right? One end is color, and the other is usually primer. To the eyelash-challenged, these formulas are a godsend, and well worth taking a little extra time to apply.

L'Oreal's Double Extend (with lash boosting serum!) works just like the usual two-step mascara. I curl my lashes, apply one coat of primer (with lash boosting serum!) and then top with the color coat. As with other two-step mascaras, I find I have to apply the color coat very lightly to prevent clumping.

The result? Long, dark, thick lashes that don't smear, flake, or give me morning-after raccoon eyes.

And I swear my lashes are looking longer. And I've only been using it once or twice a week. What with summer road trips, the house being full of painters, and Chicago being struck by heavy rains followed by flooding in my basement, I just haven't really been in the mood to slap on a lot of spackle.

At any rate, two enthusiastic thumbs up for L'Oreal's Double Extend (with lash boosting serum!) It works as well as their usual mascaras, and it seems to be doing something to beef up my feeble fringe.

The Clarisonic Mia and Cetaphil: a match made in heaven

A few months ago, I volunteered to test-drive the Clarisonic Mia for a BlogHer Style post. I'd heard a lot of great things about the Mia, and I figured this would be a great excuse to buy one and see whether it lived up to the hype. But BlogHer didn't want me to review just the Mia, because reviewing a single item would seem like an endorsement. Instead, they wanted me to review three different face brushes, and talk about their pros and cons.

That killed the idea for me. I like to shop, but buying three spinning face brushes is excessive, even for me. But I bought a Mia, anyway, figuring I could review it here.

Let me start by saying that I've used a Sonicare toothbrush for years, and the technology of the Mia is very similar. The bristles move, but the secret is the sound waves. These things basically hum the dirt off.

Having used a Sonicare, I predicted that

1. initially the Mia's noise would bother me; 
2. I would get used to the noise very quickly, and
3. rapidly reach the point where if I didn't use the Mia, my face wouldn't feel clean.

I'm happy to say that all of my predictions came true.

The first time I used the Mia, I was bothered by the buzzing sensation that I felt when I did the sides of my nose and the area over my sinuses. I can only describe the sensation as WHOA that feels weird. But by the third time I used the Mia, I was used to it.

When I rinsed, I definitely felt cleaner, but my skin wasn't stripped. After a few days, my skin started to look rosier and had a healthier glow.

With that little extra bit of exfoliation, my various moisturizers seemed to sink in faster, and my vitamin C serum felt ... extra tart. My makeup applied better, too.

I have fine, dry, freckly, burns-but-doesn't-tan skin, so the size of my pores hasn't really been an issue. Still, I was delighted to notice that after about a month of using the Clarisonic, my pores had dropped a dress size.

The best part? A few milia that had been troubling me completely cleared up. Within six weeks of starting to use the Mia, they were all gone.

One thing I wasn't crazy about was the cleanser that came with it. The Mia came with a sample-sized tube of a Clarisonic cleanser with green tea extract. It certainly left my skin feeling clean.

But after about a week, I noticed a slightly crinklier appearance to the skin under my eyes. It reminded me of my mother's face, and not in a good way.  Since I was running out of the little sample-sized tube, I thought I'd try something milder.

Now, Cetaphil is about the mildest cleanser around. It's one of those legendary products whose popularity mystifies me. It's always getting recommended by famous dermatologists and Paula Begoun, the Cosmetics Cop. Cetaphil makes the Top Beauty Products lists in InStyle and Allure. It's inexpensive, widely available, unscented, and inoffensive.

I was OK with Cetaphil's bland, boring, goody-goody image, but I never felt that it got my face clean. It's so mild that it feels like I'm rubbing hand lotion or ladies' shaving cream on my face.

But I figured the cleansing power of the Cetaphil would be increased by the high tech whizziness of the Sonicare Mia. And I was right! While Cetaphil alone leaves me feeling vaguely coated (not quite slimed a la Ghostbusters, but something akin to it) the combination of very gentle Cetaphil and a high-tech Clarisonic is complexion perfection. I get clean but my skin feels soft and moisturized.

Also, on days when I'm wearing a lot of spackle, I double cleanse. Not by using a fancy Japanese oil like the cool kids, but by using Cetaphil twice. I massage in some Cetaphil, then tissue it off. Then I use more Cetaphil, this time with the Mia.

Double cleansing with only one product? And a cheap one, at that? #Winning!

OK, why am I bringing this up now, when the Mia has been around forever?

Two reasons. First of all, do not expect the trendiest of the trendy from me, for I am now and have always been the last by whom the new is tried.

Second, you have the opportunity to score a Mia for a pretty good price right now. There are some really cute colors available at the Nordstrom Anniversary sale--coral! Fuschia! Zebra print!

The Nordstrom models cost $149, but come with two brush heads, and since a replacement brush retails for $25, this is a pretty good deal.

And since Nordstrom is offering the latest and greatest in cute Mia designs, other retailers are offering the older colors for a better price. Check Amazon and you'll see Mias being offered by several retailers. You can also get replacement brush heads there.

(BTW, Ulta is offering their 20 percent off everything in the store. Watch your mailboxes for the coupon. I don't know whether this will work for a Mia, but at least it will work for the Cetaphil.)

What does "tinted moisturizer" mean to you?

I realize that all I seem to do these days is whine, but bear with me.

I've been on the road a lot lately, having driven with Mr. Buxom to a very remote part of New York to watch our kids perform in a production of Les Miserables.

(Idiotic aside: I'm sure the reaction to seeing your 14-year-old dressed as a whore for the Lovely Ladies number isn't supposed to be "OMG she's adorable!")

Eventually we'll be home, and the painters will leave, and I'll be through with Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet, and I'll cheer up.

Meanwhile, everything makes me cranky.

Like Estee Lauder. There was a time when I wrote Estee Lauder off as a cosmetics company for Old Ladies. But then they came out with Idealist. And Resilience Lift moisturizer. And DayWear tinted moisturizer. And I unbent and bought them. And they were good.

But. These excellent skincare products are no longer available in their original state. Idealist has been new-and-improved until it's unrecognizable. The same thing goes for Resilience Lift, once my absolutely favorite daytime moisturizer.

And now Estee Lauder has reformulated my beloved DayWear tinted moisturizer. Which is maddening, because in the last three years, I've probably gone through three tubes of the stuff.

The original came in different shades, was light, moisturizing, and so sheer that color matching wasn't an issue.

The replacement is this stuff with encapsulated bronzing beads in it. It's a very pale cream, but when you rub it on your face, the bronzing beads burst and add a tint. Which makes me look like an Oompah Loompah.

I've been searching for a replacement. So far I've popped for the famous Laura Mercier product, which isn't moisturizing enough for my middle-aged skin. The shade I was "color-matched" for is kind of off.

I also tried the Chanel Hydramax version. It smells pleasant and seems OK, but again, the color is slightly off.

Why is this so difficult? I always thought that tinted moisturizers were moisturizers with just a hint of tint. Like, say, what would happen if you took your SPF moisturizer and mixed in a little foundation. Which would keep the titanium dioxide from making you look super pale, and provide a little coverage to even your complexion. How do I know this? Believe it or not, back in the olden days, I used to do this myself.  I know, I know--it's the makeup equivalent of baking my own bread. But it worked because the foundation I started with was already a good match for my skin.

To my way of thinking, the tint in a tinted moisturizer isn't supposed to be a bronzer. And when you use a tinted moisturizer, you shouldn't have to worry about a demarcation line at the jaw. The tint should be so small a proportion of the product that you shouldn't be able to see where it leaves off and your neck begins.

The stuff I keep buying seems suspiciously like foundation. OK, it's not  What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? full-coverage spackle. But it's not really tinted moisturizer.

Am I completely off base?

And does anyone have any product recommendations?

For want of a nail

Right around the time we start thinking about wearing sandals in Chicago, I managed to drop a toolbox on my left foot, and gave myself an owie on my big toe.

The results were just as unattractive as you'd think. I had quite a bit of bruising, and I broke my big toenail. It looked ghastly. It's better now, but I'm off pedicures and sandals and all that wonderful summer stuff until it's  grown out. Toenails grow really slowly, and I'm expecting to make it all the way through the summer without wearing sandals. At least, when I'm trying to look good.

It hardly seems fair. Here I am, not even half way through my fifties, and I've discovered another body part that, out of consideration for my fellow man, really should be covered up.

I mean, it's not like I was looking for work as a foot model, but my feet were OK. People didn't point and stare. But now my toes have joined my upper arms, thighs, buttocks, etc., etc., as body parts that must remain hidden, if only out of politeness.

And I've discovered something. What they always say is true; your shoes really do determine your outfit.

I went through my summer shoes and discovered that they're pretty much all open-toed. I have some pumps and slingbacks that would work for summer, but I didn't have anything that would work with casual pants.

I started shopping. I looked for ballerina slippers, because that was the one closed-toe shoe I could think of that wouldn't be hot or heavy looking. I got some subtle, non-logo-centric Tory Burch ones

and some loud, logo-rific Chanel ones

and these Prada driving shoes, but in beige.

But when I got my new loot home, I realized I didn't have anything to wear with them. My new flats looked completely stupid with every single pair of  pants I own (except--maybe--the bronze woven Tory Burch ones with my cargo pants rolled up.) The rest were all too long and too wide for flat shoes.

So I bought some skinny jeans. I know. Skinny jeans and Poppy shouldn't appear in the same sentence. But you can't wear ballerina flats with bootcuts. Your pants can be cropped, straight, or skinny, but not flared.

I also bought a pair of J. Crew Minnie cropped pants. They're OK. (Actually, they're J. Crew's most popular style. But on me, they're just OK.)

So here I am, with three pairs of shoes, two pairs of pants, and nothing to wear.

Stupid toenail! Grow! So I can wear my sandals.

Overheard in the dressing room at Banana Republic

Ball park hot dogs, here I come!

It's genius. I may never have to sweep the floor again!

Do these pants make my feet look big?

Would you look at that? I have hips!

OK, those people who tell you that you can combine anything,
as long as you look really happy and confident? Clearly wrong.

Poppy gets campy.

Mr. Buxom and I are on our way to Hancock, New York to watch our kids in their end-of-session performances at French Woods Festival of the Arts. (I'm linking to them because if your kids are performers or are interested in the arts, it's an amazing camp. They have musical theater, drama, dance, circus, orchestra, jazz, rock, DJ'ing, filmmaking, you name it.)

And let's get real. Overnight camp--with both kids at once? Not too shabby. I mean, they could be making me those ashtrays out of little tiles that my generation was making back in the 60s and I'd be all "Kids, these are the greatest ashtrays in the history of EVER." And I don't even smoke. But when your kids have been gone for six weeks, you can be patient and supportive and loving like that.

Obligatory fashion post: I look like dog vomit today. I mean, we're driving from Chicago to the Catskills so my primary concerns are practicality and comfort. But why did I wear a brand-new white t-shirt when I was obviously going to hit a bump in the road and splash McDonald's coffee all over my balcony? (It happens every time we're on a long road trip. Honestly, I should keep a lobster bib in the glove box.)

Ugh! And to the coffee-spattered t-shirt imagine, if you will, an ancient pair of cargo pants rolled up above the ankles and a pair of embroidered grosgrain flip flops with martinis all over them. What a knock-out ensemble.

Luckily for me I'm a blogger, not a celebrity, or the Fug gals would never let me hear the last of it.

And hey, people who tell you that you can totally upgrade your outfit with great accessories are full of it. I was wearing two AWESOME Hermes bangles, and I was carrying a fabulous Chanel bag, yet when I passed my fellow travelers in the rest stops on Route 80 in Ohio, they invariably averted their eyes.

The lesson? Even a Chanel bag is powerless in the face of a pair of baggy cargo pants.

BTW, the lippie is Chanel's Rouge Double Intensité in Rose Morganite. It's from the Fall, 2011 collection. The good news is it's not a limited edition and will be added to their permanent line. It's a lovely slightly browned pink in a double-ended wand. You apply the color and let set for a minute, then top with the gloss. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up--it's lovely and lasted through a delicious Indian dinner and lots of New York State Riesling.

Have a great weekend! (And try not to spill coffee on your balcony.)