My dreams of a career in telemarketing are as ashes in my mouth

OMG, you guys, I. am. such. a. loser.

Know what I've been doing for the past week? Not just driving to New Hampshire and back

and eating lobster,

although that's a factor. Not just doing the mountains of laundry that erupted from the suitcases when I unpacked them.

Not just attending rehearsals of the eighth grade play


or ruthlessly purging old books and toys from my son's room


or inventorying the snowdrops in my yard.


I've been calling up members of a woman's organization and asking them to serve on the board. And unfortunately for the woman's organization, doing a rotten job.

I can't get anyone to say yes. ANYONE. I feel like a short, scrawny, acne-ridden high school geek who has--despite his taped-together glasses and pocket protector--decided to ask every single member of the cheerleading squad to the prom.

I'm drowning in rejection over here.

DROWNING.

(Also, why do I have to spend so much time on the phone with people who are going to tell me no? Can't they at least keep it short?)