The only thing that's dorkier than wearing a Girl Scout Leader uniform

is putting on your brand-new Girl Scout Leader uniform and walking to the meeting--in full view of the neighbors and the entire population of your children's school--only to find out that the other leaders canceled the meeting. And there was no real reason for you to look that stupid.

In other words, pity me, because this is what I was wearing today:

ADULT NAVY TWIN SET-CARDIGAN AND SHELL-OFFICIAL
Official Adult Cardigan and Shell sweater set. You can shoplift like crazy go almost anywhere is this hugely oversized, completely baggy easy-to-wear twin set. The navy twin set has a jewel neck cardigan and sleevless [sic] shell, gold buttons down the front with the words "I look like shit" "Girl Scouts" embroidered in gold. Made of soft cotton/polyester jersey. Machine washable. Produced by some poor starving child and Imported from the developing countries you do-goody volunteer ladies claim to want to help.

Do you think that making me wear this twinset was some kind of Girl Scout passive-aggression? You know, like the way they're always planting adorable cookie-peddling cherubs in front of the grocery store at 5:30 p.m. when you're starving and are on your third day of the South Beach Diet?

But if there's Girl Scout Passive-Aggressive, there must be Girl Scout Aggressive-Aggressive. Otherwise it's just a theory. An intriguing one, I admit, but still--just a theory. Is there cruel and unusual punishment, Girl Scout style?

Oh, yeah.

It's this:

OFFICIAL ADULT WOMEN'S ALTHOUGH WE SUPPOSE IT COULD WORK ON A GUY CLASSIC i.e., DESIGNED IN 1962 SHIRT DRESS
Utterly shapeless Easy fit styling with button front, back yoke and side seam pockets where you can hide the spoon you're using to dig your way out of Girl Scout prison. Matte gold buttons because shiny buttons are so 1964 trim mock breast pockets for trimming your mock breasts, shoulder epaulets for that all important very butch prison matron look and button cuffs. In evergreen. Polyester. Because nothing says "green" like a heaping helping of non-biodegradable polyester Available in Misses Sizes 4 to 20 and for the Leaders who can't seem to stay out of the cookies, Women's Sizes 20W to 28W. FINAL SALE - NO RETURNS - NO EXCHANGES
WAS: $65.00 to $75.00 NOW: ALL SIZES $15.99 Please, please take these bow-wows off our hands or no one will ever volunteer to be a leader.