The imminent death of my iPod

Oh hai.

I'm at the Apple Store at the Old Orchard Mall in Skokie, IL. This is a mall I completely and utterly hate.

I mean, more than I hate malls in general, which is quite a bit.

They keep adding on to this mall, and there doesn't seem to be any consensus whatsoever as to what constitutes attractive or even practical design. As a result, if you look the quaint phrase "higgledy-piggledy" up in the dictionary, it will be illustrated with a photograph of this mall, whose motto should be "Where consumerism, poured concrete, and piped in music vanquish common sense and good taste."

So anyway. I hate this mall, which puts me in an evil humor. And I'm here to get my iPod fixed. And there's a really long wait for the "Genius Bar."

I have a long-term, not particularly happy relationship with the "Genius Bar." Did you know that my current iPod is my third? In this (and about one other way) I can actually call myself an early adopter. Check it out and be impressed: I had the original 5 gig iPod--the one with the click wheel that really turned.

It fell victim to the famous Apple "Logan's Run" Battery Scam, where you charged your battery 30 times, and then, when you'd grown accustomed to having an iPod, and your machine is packed with great music, and has reached a peak of youthful energy and indispensability, it dies.

So then I got the cute little blue Apple iPod mini, which had no more memory, but was little and adorable. Except eventually I filled it up, and the click wheel never worked all that reliably, anyway.

And now, the iPod Classic 30 gig, with video! And a bright color screen! And a pretty decent-sized hard drive!

Except it stops sometimes for no reason. And it freezes up. And when I select a file to play, it freezes and then moves forward one file and starts playing that one instead.

So I am here, first to bitch at the first person who asked me if I needed help, and then, in an hour and ten minutes, to be completely polite to the so-called "Genius" at the so-called "Genius" bar, who, I predict, will treat me like I'm a moron because I'm a 50-something housewife in a pink sweatshirt.

And then I will shove my iPod up his ass.

And then, they will give me a new one, if only to get me the fuck out of the store before I get ideas about where to put the iMac (with the 24-inch screen) I'm currently blogging on.

And I'm going to click "publish post" and walk away with this up on the screen for everyone to see. Because I'm cheeky that way.