Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
It's official.
High school is kicking my ass.
OK, not my high school. My high school is fine. After all, it's rapidly disappearing into the rear view mirror of my memory. At this point, it turns up once a year, mostly to ask me for money or to try to guilt-trip me into going to a reunion.
But my son's high school WANTS TO DESTROY ME.
OK, not my high school. My high school is fine. After all, it's rapidly disappearing into the rear view mirror of my memory. At this point, it turns up once a year, mostly to ask me for money or to try to guilt-trip me into going to a reunion.
But my son's high school WANTS TO DESTROY ME.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Triple XXX rated Garden P0rn and other stories
OH
MY
GOD
you guys, I can't believe how dusty this blog has gotten or how busy I've been this week.
In the past five days, I've managed to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let my husband forget he's a man--wait a minute, he's been out of town all week. But I've kept the house reasonably picked up and the children reasonably well fed. I've attended rehearsals. I've dragged my son off to sing in an Evensong.
But on top of that, all these trucks have been lined up in front of my house all week long because the landscaping company I hired in the beginning of April finally decided to show up and start sticking new plants in my yard. And I don't mean two bushes on either side of the front door. I mean trees and shrubs and perennials and outdoor lighting and really stinky mulch.
Yes, in a doomed attempt to make my teardown look a bit less so, I've sunk large American dollars into the yard. That sucking sound you hear is the landscape company vacuuming the last penny out of my wallet.
And this means that in addition to the usual crap I have to do, I had to keep going outside and patiently explaining that I hated the plants they picked out. Because honestly, with all the forsythia out there (which I don't like that much but was there when we bought the house and was therefore free) the last thing I need is more shrubs that make yellow flowers in the spring.
And anyway, witch hazel is something I buy at CVS, not something I want growing in my yard.
Anyway, what withgiving the landscaping company a piece of my mind clearly communicating my wishes, and doing the driveway minuet with three or four trucks whenever I had to drive anywhere, plus the aforementioned musical activities, I've been frazzled.
But stick around, because eventually I'll post some garden p0rn.
Oh, and I posted elsewhere twice this week, so if you want to find out whether Clairol Nice 'n Easy Root Touch Up is worth buying, and whether there is any humor to be found in Miss California USA's family dynamics, feel free to exit click right now.
MY
GOD
you guys, I can't believe how dusty this blog has gotten or how busy I've been this week.
In the past five days, I've managed to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let my husband forget he's a man--wait a minute, he's been out of town all week. But I've kept the house reasonably picked up and the children reasonably well fed. I've attended rehearsals. I've dragged my son off to sing in an Evensong.
But on top of that, all these trucks have been lined up in front of my house all week long because the landscaping company I hired in the beginning of April finally decided to show up and start sticking new plants in my yard. And I don't mean two bushes on either side of the front door. I mean trees and shrubs and perennials and outdoor lighting and really stinky mulch.
Yes, in a doomed attempt to make my teardown look a bit less so, I've sunk large American dollars into the yard. That sucking sound you hear is the landscape company vacuuming the last penny out of my wallet.
And this means that in addition to the usual crap I have to do, I had to keep going outside and patiently explaining that I hated the plants they picked out. Because honestly, with all the forsythia out there (which I don't like that much but was there when we bought the house and was therefore free) the last thing I need is more shrubs that make yellow flowers in the spring.
And anyway, witch hazel is something I buy at CVS, not something I want growing in my yard.
Anyway, what with
But stick around, because eventually I'll post some garden p0rn.
Oh, and I posted elsewhere twice this week, so if you want to find out whether Clairol Nice 'n Easy Root Touch Up is worth buying, and whether there is any humor to be found in Miss California USA's family dynamics, feel free to exit click right now.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
MTV's Video Music Awards needs help
And I'm here to do it. Everyone knows that the VMAs have the stupidest categories ever. And they keep coming up with brand-new, even-stupider ones. But honestly. "Most Earth Shattering Collaboration?" Talk about pretentious ... does anyone care? Earth-shattering my ass. Which--actually--it could. Shatter the earth, I mean.
The simple truth is this: no matter how hard MTV tries to invent stupid new categories, I can think of even stupider ones. All by myself. No focus group needed. Such as:
The simple truth is this: no matter how hard MTV tries to invent stupid new categories, I can think of even stupider ones. All by myself. No focus group needed. Such as:
- Best Song not recorded by a Female Pop Star because she's in Rehab
- Best Old Song that always Sucked Big Time getting a new lease on life by being Covered by a half-way decent Band--and actually sounding kind of OK
- Best Collaboration between one Pop star who is fading, and one who is Dead
- Best Song that may never be released to Video because the Singer shaved all her hair off and can't stop Sucking down Frappuccinos
- Best Song designed to spark Sales of what is obviously just another Greatest Hits collection with 1 new track added
- Best Song by a former Child Star--now completely clapped out and scary
- Best Song by an Artist who has decided to end our suspense and admit to being Gay-- color us Surprised!
- Best Video by Anyone who used to boink Heather Locklear, Helena Christensen, Kate Hudson, or Cher.
- Best Video by a group whose members are now--or could easily be--members of AARP.
- Best Video by a group None of whose members ever did Drugs. Not even prescription.
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