Yo, Mama!

Where've I been?

At the Elephant & Castle, because they generously donated a party to one of my charities. We got 90 freeloaders party-goers to attend. When I wasn't posing for pictures and wondering where I had put my drink, I went around ruthlessly shilling raffle tickets, and I twisted people's arms to the tune of $920. For the charity, she added hastily.

On Friday my cute little family of four went to see Yo-Yo Ma and his Silk Road Ensemble. We sat in a box because my husband bought the tickets. Box seats! And just so you know, the Symphony Center boxes leave the Lyric Opera House boxes sitting in the road, what with their better sightlines, closer proximity to the stage, and cute little closets. Also the goodies at intermission are much tastier. And the bathroom was like, right there. And the line was so short!

Jesus, I may have just talked myself into switching from opera to symphony. Yes, I really am that shallow.

And now, let me just explain why I don't blog more than I do. And why I'm still in my pajamas.

It's because my children TIRE ME RIGHT THE FUCK OUT. blackbird can testify how exhausting they can be, because she called me up yesterday while I was finishing packing for the weekend, and because yesterday was Friday the Thirteenth, which is obviously her lucky day, she caught my daughter in the middle of making a series of LOUD, NERVE-SHATTERING KEENING NOISES.

My daughter was making noises like a human siren because instead of being able to go to a private screening of High School Musical complete with candy and popcorn and the company of her fellow estrogen-laden peers, she was being forced to put on her Easter dress and go out to dinner and then to a concert at Symphony Center.

And just so you know, I am not perfect. No, really, I'm not, and having to make soothing apologetic remarks about it being her brother's birthday present, and that unfortunately, my husband had not written the date of the concert on the kitchen calendar, and it was too late to change our plans now, because the tickets were very expensive, while hearing that she hated me and was going to either run away from home or kill herself ... well, it kind of takes some of the luster out of what should have been a festive occasion.

And so, while dinner, which was at a child-friendly yet venerable Chicago restaurant with an excellent wine list was, in fact, very good, and while the music was both interesting and beautifully-played, and while Yo-Yo Ma is ADORABLE and energetic and amazing, and while he'd be my new boyfriend (except wonder of wonders, he's actually older than I am, and the rule is that my musician boyfriends have to be younger than I am) and therefore, the evening ended up being quite pleasant, if you factor out the hours between 3:30 and 6:30 ... I'm still recovering.

So that was yesterday's drama. Surviving it (as well as writing a Mamarazzi entry mocking Danny Bonaduce and incidentally affording my readers a glimpse of his pubic hair) was all I managed to accomplish.

And I'm still recovering.

Perfection Attained

Sunday was my daughter's 10th birthday. On Friday I took her and three of her friends to see the show here:



And then they had a sleepover downtown. They loved the elevator. In fact, I think they loved it best of all the things they did. I could have saved $30 a head in tickets by letting them ride up and down on the elevators. They decided that jumping up and down while the elevator was moving was the most fun thing in the world. It made them scream with excitement. Needless to say, this was a bit rough on the ear drums, but it was pretty to see their enthusiasm.

The rest of the time, they ate pizza. And giggled.



My daughter's presents were all perfect. She got a disco ball. And a Bratz CD player. I bought her






Her grandparents sent a notebook and stickers. And the soundtrack to Gilda:



She loved everything.

What does it mean when your daughter's favorite song is "Put the Blame on Mame?"

(Don't answer that.)

In other perfect news, I pitched Tiffany a couple of weeks ago. I'm chairing a benefit and I wanted them to sponsor us. And Tiffany, which is a store I've always enjoyed anyway, is generously donating these:



for the raffle, and these



for the goody bags. Which adds up to over $11,000 in free loot. Not bad for a half day's work.

But wait, don't go! I have more perfection for you!

In case you suffer from insomnia and this post isn't enough to send you to slumberland, I have the solution. Get this:



and read four pages--five at the most. You'll be in slumberland before you can say "Ambien."