After three months exactly give or take a day or two. [Updated!]

Today I'm going to pick up my car at the body shop. [Sorry! I didn't mean to lead you on. It still wasn't ready. The front left headlight was faulty.]

So I have this to say about my insurance agent: May God smite the flea-bitten daughter of a clapped out whore ...

But wait. Isn't it just like me to start ranting when you don't have any idea what has happened?

Allow me to open with a humorous math problem. My 2003 VW Passat wagon has a book value of $19,700. The repairs to the body, plus the new engine it apparently needed, cost over $13,000. Now let's factor in the repairs to the Mercedes Benz (hereafter referred to as "The One That Got Away") which came in at about $5,000. Which leaves about a thousand dollars.

So now we're at three months and over $18,000 in repairs. THREE MONTHS. My question is this: does my insurance company owe me the extra $1,000 for wear and tear on my other car, not to mention my psyche? Or should they sweeten the deal and refund the last two years of insurance payments, too? And while they're at it, throw in a big-screen television and a case of really good wine?

I think they should throw something in for Fiddledeedee, who drove me to the body shop to pick up my car. She deserves something for her trouble too, especially because, what with the faulty headlight scenario, my car was not actually ready, and I'm probably going to ask her to take me there again tomorrow.

And it's all because the guy in front of me had the same brilliant idea of moving out of the left hand lane so as to avoid getting stuck behind the car waiting to make a left hand turn. Only when he noticed that the car was a police cruiser, he stopped. Cold. And I smacked into him. At about--since I was going from a dead stop and had driven about six feet--ten miles an hour.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. When you're driving, and you see a car that apparently likes to go out on Halloween as a Sherman Tank, try to avoid hitting it. Even very slowly and softly.

The Grinch Who Stole Valentine's Day

Today I was supposed to get all dressed up in something red and festive, head up the road to get my hair and nails done, then, while looking like a crazed blood clot absolutely smashing drive downtown to rehearse with one of my singing groups,



go to a St. Valentine's Day tea party here,



and then have dinner with my husband.

I just blew it all off. In short order, I canceled the hair and nails, the rehearsal, the babysitter, the tea party, and the dinner.

In case you haven't heard, it's snowing in Chicago. And about every five minutes, I get another email from the National Weather Service advising me to stay home. And who am I to argue with the National Weather Service? Especially since my car has been in the shop since November 19th, due to some trifling misunderstanding it had with the rear end of a Mercedes Benz.

Not actually my car. Or me. You can tell because this woman is
smiling,and I have not had the chance to smile while in
close proximity to my VW in months. And months.

And frankly, I'm damned if I'm going to plow downtown in my smoking hot minivan^{tm badger} only to smash that one up, too.