Weird Things FridayTM: Octopuses

Say hello to my little friend.

My daughter went through a phase where her favorite animal was the octopus. And I thought that was the coolest. I mean, how unique! How not My Pretty Pony of her!

We bought her stuffed octopi wherever we found them. One of my favorite memories is watching her, aged 5, leaving the aquarium gift shop carrying a giant leopard print stuffed octopus. It was as big as she was, so from the right angle, it looked like the octopus was walking.

Unfortunately, she's gotten over octopi. She thinks they're babyish. But I haven't. And neither have a lot of people.

For one thing, octopi are unique. And intelligent. And versatile. I mean, here I am, thinking I'm so great with my large mammalian brain and opposable thumbs--meanwhile, this octopus is working as an archeologist.



Admittedly, sometimes octopuses have terrible taste. For example, this octopus loves its Mr. Potato Head toy. Oh well. At least it's not a Bratz doll.

No wonder octopi are trendy!



An octopus can be a lamp that looks like an octopus or acts like one. Here's a whole bunch of lamps named for the amazing octopus. Although surprisingly enough, I couldn't find a single lamp with eight tentacles.

Then there are octopus purses



and necklaces--silver


and gold

an octopus Wiggle



and for very wealthy grown-up art collectors, this dazzling octopus bracelet from Tiffany, which will set you back $270,000.



There's even a blog, Everything Octopus.

Just wait until I tell my daughter. I mean, come on. When people are blogging about something, it's HAWT. Maybe she won't make me give her stuffed octopuses to the thrift shop.

So. I love octopuses. So much that I see them where they don't exist. Like those round yellow cakes that Yankees and ignorant people use for strawberry shortcake? If you line them up, they totally look like a row of suckers on an octopus's arm.

So do the little round holes the contractors made in the ceiling when they installed my Spacepak air conditioning.


Don't look now, but your ceiling is growing suckers ...

Maybe I'm a little obsessed, but we're all lucky this isn't Japan. If this were Japan, I'd probably be asking an octopus out on a date. Because you know how Japanese women apparently can't stop thinking about having sex with octopi.* Just think of the ramifications if I posted a picture of what is, inexplicably, a rather common fantasy in the land of the rising sun.

Because that would be porn.

Unless the picture is really old and by a Japanese master



in which case maybe it's OK.

* This gives a whole new meaning to WTF.

Weird Things I LikeTM: Taxidermy

You know how all long-term bloggers decide to start something meme-ish so they devote a day a week to a themed post called "Wordless Wednesday" or "Song Lyric Saturday" or "Bodacious Tatas Tuesday?"

(OK, I made that last one up, but I think it's a great idea, so if you start it, email me. I might have some pictures you could use.)

So anyway, I tried to think of a category that would work for me. Because like many other long-term bloggers, I sometimes get tired of talking about my life.

And I think it's time I got famous for something. You know, like Five Star Friday (which I actually appeared in once) or Perfect Post (which I've never won. Even though I'm a long-term blogger. A bitter one.)

There's a problem with awards. To hand them out, I'd actually have to read a shitload of blogs. Even more than I read now. And a lot of what people seem to like are posts that moved them. You know, emotional stuff. And I hate stuff like that.

OK, what could I do week after week that wouldn't get old? Things I like. And thus was born Weird Things I Like.^TM

I have a really good feeling about this. This is a rich chocolately vein of blogging greatness. And I'm going to become famous at last! You'll meet me at BlogHer and then, after Weird Things I Like^TM has taken the blogosphere by storm, you'll be amazed when you realized how humble and almost ordinary I seemed!

It will be just like the time Susie Sunshine and I sat through the writer's panel at BlogHer in 2007 and there was Ree from Pioneer Woman and we had never heard of her and two seconds after BlogHer was over, she was this massive star who invented the maga-blog! And yet, she had seemed so normal.

Well, it will be just like that for me and Weird Things I Like^TM.

Now, because long-term bloggers seem to be stuck on similar sounds and like things to be awfully alliterative, I'd call my new meme-like thing "Weird Things I Like^TM Wednesday." Or, when it gets really popular, WTW.*

My first weird thing is taxidermy, which I love. Not to own. Don't go all PETA on me and start throwing paint at me or picketing the cocktail party I'm having at BlogHer** because I don't own any dead stuffed animals. Much as I admire real dead stuffed animals, I don't want to own one, because it would be really gross if I bought one and it didn't end up being preserved all that well.

But I love that part of the Field Museum where they set the dead stuffed animals up in little dioramas. First of all, it's cool that they set up the diorama once, maybe in the 1890s, and except for a once a week when the cleaning ladies come in to dust the giraffes, they never need to work on it again. Talk about efficient!


Also, dead stuffed animals have the sense to stay still so you can really gawk at them. Live animals are always asleep or hiding in a cave or something--everyone else at the zoo sees lots more animals than I do. I always seem to be looking in the wrong direction. Either they're not there at all, or they're going to the bathroom.

And taxidermy animals get along with each other. You can squeeze all kinds of them into a small exhibit space and they don't eat each other, have spats, or fight over territory.

And if they do fight or try to eat each other, it never really happens. This tiger will never actually eat that deer. It's kind of like Keats' Grecian Urn. You know?

So anyway, while this kind of thing is admittedly way over the top


This? Is cool.


* Maybe I should have Weird Things Friday, or WTF. Please leave a comment and let me know your preference.

** Saturday night. Email me for an invitation!