Sunday Confessions

1. I procrastinate and find it very hard to stick to a deadline. If you don't believe me, check the date of this entry.

2. I'm one of those idiots who believes she has every single disease she reads about. And now that I have children, I am convinced that I have non-verbal learning disorder, anxiety, depression, ADD and ADHD, learning disabilities, speech processing issues, mumps, strep throat, head lice--oh, and I need braces.

3. I hate it when people call me just to say "hi." For years my husband called me at least once a day, sometimes two or three times, just to say "hi." This drove me nuts. Partly because I hate, hate, HATE being interrupted, even if I'm just sitting there reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. But also because I sense sometimes that people who call me just to say "hi," are bored. And they're looking for some entertainment. And since I have a not-undeserved reputation for being fairly entertaining, they call me. Well, I'm not flattered, and I'm busy. GO AWAY.

4. I am the worst speller I know.

5. OK, I know it's just a big computer, but I love ordering a bushel or two of some weird anomalous junk--say, science fiction, or the complete recordings of Nathan Gunn--from Amazon. Because then Amazon thinks I like it. And keeps recommending it. For some reason, I find this funny. I like to fuck with Amazon's head.

6. A lot of SAHMs give me the creeps.

7. I hate horror movies. Or movies with violence. Or movies with sex. PG-13 is about as far as I'm willing to go. (Luckily for me, I find fart jokes amusing.)

8. I'm a pervert. Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous: blue sky, every spring flower you can think of in bloom--perfection. There is nothing so rare as a spring day in Chicago. And how did I spent it? Cleaning out my garage. It was dark, cluttered, and filthy, and I was in manicure-destroying, why-did-I-wear-these-clothes-for-such-a-dirty-job bliss. Because I love really disgusting cleaning jobs. And I practically climax when I get to throw stuff out.

9. If you suspect you're boring me, you probably are.

10. The other night I had a dream about George W. Bush. Thank God it wasn't erotic.