I'm taking my kids to see you in concert on October 26th. I realize you're English now and might not remember, but that's very close to Halloween. My daughter is a sensitive child who has been known to have nightmares.
So Madge, do me a favor; eat a bagel. Or two. And put the weights down. I'm begging you.
Because this is not a good look
for a girl. And you're almost there. Except in drag.
Believe it or not, I got so wound up getting the kids back to school--and all the fun that entails--that I sort of forgot we had a three-day weekend coming up. And so here we are in the middle of it, not going anywhere or doing anything.
It's bliss. Plus I get to sleep late three days in a row! That never happens.
So anyway, we decided this weekend was the perfect opportunity to continue our home-schooling projects. I may not have mentioned it, but we're home-schooling our kids. Because I'm sure the public school curriculum is lovely, but it doesn't include really important material like Table Manners 101, and Introduction to Film: Chicago at the Movies.
So tonight we watched Ferris Bueller, which was partly filmed right here in Newtopia. Now, I didn't know that when I first saw the film. Sure, I recognized the big Chicago landmarks, but at that time, my outlook was very limited. Still, we grow and change, and now I'm hep to the suburban landmarks, too. And hey, our condo shows up in some of the long shots of skyscrapers!
I KNOW. I'm the coolest blogger you've ever read, right? And I manifest my coolness by jumping up, running up to the screen, and jabbing my finger on an apartment building. "See? There it is!"
It's almost as bad as the time I went to see Chinatown and my mother kept chirping "That's a '38 Packard!" I mean, even when [SPOILER ALERT] Faye Dunaway was getting her eye shot out, all my mother could talk about was the cars.
So anyway, we all enjoyed it, especially my son. The shots of Chicago were awesome. And hey! I'm pretty sure I used to drive past Cameron's house.
And Charlie Sheen, in his film debut? Was smoking hot.
Meanwhile, I'm at other blogs, talking about important issues, like lipstick, eyeshadow, and how Lindsay Lohan should write a book and call it Douche-y Dearest.
But I was kind of bored by the Democratic convention tonight. Barack is certainly charismatic, but I found Gore's speech more stirring. And the video was much duller than the one for Clinton.
Did anyone out there watch Michelle Obama's speech? Can you believe I missed it? Actually, that's typical behavior on my part. But this time, it's not my fault.
Honestly, you'd think the television networks would throw something normal at the American public after all the Oympics coverage. But no, it's PhelpsPhelpsPhelpsPhelpsPhelps PhelpsPhelpsPhelpsMichelleObama. Luckily, there's YouTube for people like me who can't keep track of things, spend way too much time organizing their kids' school supplies, and don't have TiVo.
I didn't need to watch it anyway. It wouldn't change my mind about Obama. All modesty aside, I think it's clear that Barack is too young to run this country. We need someone of riper years. And figure.
I mean, come on. Does the guy ever eat? He runs around all day looking presidential and inventing new flights of statesman-like oratory. He only stands still when he's posing for magazine covers.
Say what you will about Bill Clinton, you could always shut him up and slow him down by handing him a platter of ribs and a six pack of PBR. Frankly, I think Barack is too young, too energetic, too educated, too intelligent, and too thin to represent me and my interests.
And let's face it; McCain is too old--plus what's the deal with his cheeks? Have you noticed them, too?
It's like he has two fist-sized slabs of flesh on either side of his mouth, and I can't help wondering what they're doing there.
You know, it's highly possible that an Islamic fundamentalist terrorist cell is concealed there, on either side of his mouth. Yes, for all we know, Osama Bin Laden himself is concealed in McCain's face wubb.
I'm sending out heartfelt birthday wishes to my older sister, who is not quite down with this whole blogging thing and therefore, will never see this.
But in case you are as out of it as my sister, here is that completely priceless and justly famous video of Joe Cocker at Woodstock, which I'm emailing her, because she won't see this.
If you haven't seen it, watch it all the way through.
In other news, I'm putting together school supplies, which, frankly, sucks like the amazingly light Oreck vacuum cleaner that weighs only eight pounds, yet can glom onto a bowling ball. Because putting together a few pens and folders can't suck that much, can it? Well, yes, it can. YES, THAT MUCH.
And in other news, I'm making fun of Karl Lagerfeld-yes, again--over here.
