And so is Thanksgiving.
How can I tell? My yard.
See, today, finally and at long last, I removed the final Autumn and/or Halloween decorations from my yard.
Yes, I am that loser who leaves her holiday decorations up way too late.
Here's my excuse: I had a pair of really, really long window boxes made for under our porch windows, because I am a moron with a death-wish, and I thought they would look cute.
And they do look cute. When they're filled with lush, healthy plants. Which means that in the past year, they've looked cute for all of two days. Do you have any idea how many goddamned plants twenty feet of window boxes can swallow up? Or how much time it takes to buy, bring home, plant, and water said plants?
These are actually rhetorical questions, so I'll answer them myself: 1. lots; and 2. too much.
Let's put it this way; I think Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock got married while I was filling the boxes for the summer display, and now, just when they've filed for divorce, I am finally finishing. And now it's time to get all cute for Christmas. SHIT.
Holy crap, I knew my hair was getting high-maintenance, what with its monthly cut and color appointments, but honestly, now it's like the front of my house needs its bangs trimmed or its lipgloss reapplied about every five fucking minutes.
So anyway, today I finally removed the pumpkins and little light-up ghosts and took down the black icicle lights. I replaced them with white icicle lights and branches with red berries. Greenery and holly boughs and such Martha Stewartisms will follow, once I've rested up.
And just so you know, to get that done will probably take another three weeks, and meanwhile, what isn't little white lights and twigs with red berries is dying yellow and orange and purple chrysanthemums. And if you don't like it, neighbors and internet? You can bite me.
I need a drink.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
Poppy emerges from a turkey coma
It wasn't just the turkey. Or the stuffing and gravy. Or the home-made cranberry, cinnamon, and cognac chutney-like crappe I cooked.It was the pies. All home-made, all with real
lard--yes, lard!--in the crusts. We had pumpkin, pecan, apple, wild Maine blueberry, and sweet potato and all with home-made whipped cream, or vanilla ice cream (or if you're my daughter, both.)
No wonder I forgot to post to Mamarazzi. Even though today is my day.
So anyway, the pie crust has lifted, and ... I remembered.
I remembered about computers. I remembered about the internet. I remembered all that stuff I usually waste so much time doing. And so, here I am, back where I belong, with my rapidly-expanding ass parked in front of a laptop.
I even posted to Mamarazzi. Check it out--Seal and Heidi Klum had a baby named Gibberish Gobbledy Gook Seal-Klum! No, really! They did! Check it out!
Monday, November 20, 2006
3 x 3 = 9
Three days--yesterday, today, tomorrow--in nine words. Yes, nine. Even more terse and vivid than a haiku. Because I'm feeling poetic. And busy.
Yesterday
Today
Tomorrow
* The only person hurt was my cute little green Passat station wagon. Which is majorly dinged, considering that I was maybe going 20 miles an hour when a car came out of nowhere and planted itself in my path. And the moral of the story is ? Do not rear-end aSherman Tank Mercedes Benz.
Yesterday
church, accident,* tow-truck
Today
insurance, conferences, laundry
Tomorrow
packing, airport, Thanksgiving
* The only person hurt was my cute little green Passat station wagon. Which is majorly dinged, considering that I was maybe going 20 miles an hour when a car came out of nowhere and planted itself in my path. And the moral of the story is ? Do not rear-end a
Saturday, November 18, 2006
The promised meme. From Joke.
Explain what ended your last relationship?
It's been so long that I can't really remember, but I think it was the time he peed on my bedroom floor.
When was the last time you shaved?
About three days ago, she bristled.
What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Taking my first life-giving sip of tea.
What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Sitting around on my fat butt playing with the internet. As you can see, nothing's changed.
Have you had to take a loan out for school?
Yes.
Last thing received in the mail?
The electric bill, which puzzled me. How I managed to use more electricity during the month of August (when I wasn't here) than I did in July (when I was) eludes me.
How many different beverages have you had today?
Three. Water, coffee, and tea. But it's early yet.
Are you any good at math?
A bit. I was always very good at geometry and trigonometry, and I'm still excellent at arithmetic--if you want to know how much carpeting that costs $35/yard installed will cost for your 19 x 26 foot living room, I'm your gal. On the other hand, the idea of even trying to learn calculus makes me want to hide under your living room sofa, which will make installation difficult.
Your prom night, what do you remember about it?
I didn't go to the prom. I was in high school in the 70s. Proms were for dorks.
Do you have any famous ancestors?
Thomas Dudley. And because I'm descended from Dudley, I'm also descended from Charlemagne. I guess I need to get a big-ass ring so all my blogging fans can kiss it.
Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machine?
Of course. I tell the person to call me back, but I never say who I am. Which means that sometimes the person I called calls the wrong person back, probably renewing the ties of an ancient friendship. In this way, I spread sweetness and light.
Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
It's "Whom." And it was The Rolling Stones. But it's OK. They were gentle with me.
Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
What? And risk identity theft?
What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had?
A root canal performed by the ham-handed practitioner my parents probably picked because he was descended from Thomas Dudley or some such. It definitely wasn't for his dentistry.
What is your favorite flavor of JELL-O?
Red. All other flavors are heretical and--if you're not religious--just plain wrong.
Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Several times. I like planetaria. You sit in the dark and look at cool stuff. It's like going to the movies without all that tedious violence.
When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Do you mean large as in numerous, or large as in obese?
Any plans for Friday night?
That depends upon who's asking.
What is out your back door?
Let me guess. You've run out of even semi-interesting questions.
Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Not at all. If I wanted my hair to be covered with nasty, salty, sticky stuff, I'd stay in bed.
Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Wait a minute. Is this so-called meme actually a marketing survey?
Do you re-use towels after you shower?
OK, this is definitely a marketing survey, I just know it. Either that or it's some pervert. Come out of hiding, you cheesey marketing person and/or pervert. Be honest. Just ask me, Martex or Grand Patrician? Monogrammed or not? Do I like my towels soft and cushiony, or do I prefer the rough caress of nubbly terry loops?
Some things you are excited about?
Sex, my upcoming birthday, my birthday loot, if any, Christmas, and nubbly terry loops.
Describe your keychain(s)?
I can't. I don't remember what it looks like. Actually, they. As in the keys to one car. The keys to the other car. The keys to the house. They're all on different keychains. And no, I don't know why; that's just the way I do it. And stop trying to divert attention from your towel fetish. You're not fooling anyone.
Where do you keep your change?
In my wallet. If I get too much of it, I stick it in a jar. When the jar is full, I take it to the bank, where, guess what? They turn it back into money. You should try it, cheesey Marketing Towel Fetish Pervert. Sometimes I get $80 or even more, which will buy a lot of Bed-Head, Stiff-Stuff, and new towels. At least, if the towels are on sale.
What kind of winter coat do you own?
OK, remarks about nubbly terry towels and salty hair aside, this is where it actually gets embarrassing around here:
Wet. But not in a way that would excite you, Cheesey Marketing Towel Fetish Pervert.
Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed. And in your case, Cheesey Marketing Towel Fetish Pervert, locked.
It's been so long that I can't really remember, but I think it was the time he peed on my bedroom floor.
When was the last time you shaved?
About three days ago, she bristled.
What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Taking my first life-giving sip of tea.
What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Sitting around on my fat butt playing with the internet. As you can see, nothing's changed.
Have you had to take a loan out for school?
Yes.
Last thing received in the mail?
The electric bill, which puzzled me. How I managed to use more electricity during the month of August (when I wasn't here) than I did in July (when I was) eludes me.
How many different beverages have you had today?
Three. Water, coffee, and tea. But it's early yet.
Are you any good at math?
A bit. I was always very good at geometry and trigonometry, and I'm still excellent at arithmetic--if you want to know how much carpeting that costs $35/yard installed will cost for your 19 x 26 foot living room, I'm your gal. On the other hand, the idea of even trying to learn calculus makes me want to hide under your living room sofa, which will make installation difficult.
Your prom night, what do you remember about it?
I didn't go to the prom. I was in high school in the 70s. Proms were for dorks.
Do you have any famous ancestors?
Thomas Dudley. And because I'm descended from Dudley, I'm also descended from Charlemagne. I guess I need to get a big-ass ring so all my blogging fans can kiss it.
Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machine?
Of course. I tell the person to call me back, but I never say who I am. Which means that sometimes the person I called calls the wrong person back, probably renewing the ties of an ancient friendship. In this way, I spread sweetness and light.
Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
It's "Whom." And it was The Rolling Stones. But it's OK. They were gentle with me.
Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
What? And risk identity theft?
What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had?
A root canal performed by the ham-handed practitioner my parents probably picked because he was descended from Thomas Dudley or some such. It definitely wasn't for his dentistry.
What is your favorite flavor of JELL-O?
Red. All other flavors are heretical and--if you're not religious--just plain wrong.
Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Several times. I like planetaria. You sit in the dark and look at cool stuff. It's like going to the movies without all that tedious violence.
When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Do you mean large as in numerous, or large as in obese?
Any plans for Friday night?
That depends upon who's asking.
What is out your back door?
Let me guess. You've run out of even semi-interesting questions.
Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Not at all. If I wanted my hair to be covered with nasty, salty, sticky stuff, I'd stay in bed.
Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Wait a minute. Is this so-called meme actually a marketing survey?
Do you re-use towels after you shower?
OK, this is definitely a marketing survey, I just know it. Either that or it's some pervert. Come out of hiding, you cheesey marketing person and/or pervert. Be honest. Just ask me, Martex or Grand Patrician? Monogrammed or not? Do I like my towels soft and cushiony, or do I prefer the rough caress of nubbly terry loops?
Some things you are excited about?
Sex, my upcoming birthday, my birthday loot, if any, Christmas, and nubbly terry loops.
Describe your keychain(s)?
I can't. I don't remember what it looks like. Actually, they. As in the keys to one car. The keys to the other car. The keys to the house. They're all on different keychains. And no, I don't know why; that's just the way I do it. And stop trying to divert attention from your towel fetish. You're not fooling anyone.
Where do you keep your change?
In my wallet. If I get too much of it, I stick it in a jar. When the jar is full, I take it to the bank, where, guess what? They turn it back into money. You should try it, cheesey Marketing Towel Fetish Pervert. Sometimes I get $80 or even more, which will buy a lot of Bed-Head, Stiff-Stuff, and new towels. At least, if the towels are on sale.
What kind of winter coat do you own?
OK, remarks about nubbly terry towels and salty hair aside, this is where it actually gets embarrassing around here:
Vintage camel's hair swing coat with blonde mink collarWhat was the weather like on your graduation day?
Vintage red wool coat with black fox collar
red duffle coat
red boiled wool jacket with Tyrolean braid trim
black car coat with red trim
brown duffle coat
long black cashmere
navy blue wool trench
navy blue cotton trench
black leather zip front jacket
knee-length swing mink
long straight dark brown mink
Wet. But not in a way that would excite you, Cheesey Marketing Towel Fetish Pervert.
Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed. And in your case, Cheesey Marketing Towel Fetish Pervert, locked.
Friday, November 17, 2006
And then I woke up--and thanked God it was Friday.
I just checked the date of my last entry, and it took me by surprise. Has it really been five days since I've posted? Wow.
Of course, this has been a week replete with meetings, some of which I led, all of which involved my having to talk. All the talking might have led me to believe that I've shot my wad and am conversationally bankrupt, when as far as the internet is concerned, I'm being unusually taciturn.
And yet, I'm exhausted and have nothing to say.
This might be because once in a while, at these meetings I just mentioned, I feel that it's appropriate to let someone else talk. And then I have to listen to that person. And if there's anything that tires me out more than talking, it's listening. Because, you know, people don't always talk about things that interest me. I mean, there they go, blathering away, expressing their own thoughts, when honestly, mine are so much better.
Which you will discover if you check my latest Mamarazzi entry. It represents the last thought I completed before my brain flat-lined, so grab it while it's hot.
Meanwhile I'll try to dredge up some fresh new memes, internet quizzes, knock-knock jokes, trivia, false memories, recipes, and rude cracks about celebrities for tomorrow. Or maybe the next day, if I have a hangover.
Of course, this has been a week replete with meetings, some of which I led, all of which involved my having to talk. All the talking might have led me to believe that I've shot my wad and am conversationally bankrupt, when as far as the internet is concerned, I'm being unusually taciturn.
And yet, I'm exhausted and have nothing to say.
This might be because once in a while, at these meetings I just mentioned, I feel that it's appropriate to let someone else talk. And then I have to listen to that person. And if there's anything that tires me out more than talking, it's listening. Because, you know, people don't always talk about things that interest me. I mean, there they go, blathering away, expressing their own thoughts, when honestly, mine are so much better.
Which you will discover if you check my latest Mamarazzi entry. It represents the last thought I completed before my brain flat-lined, so grab it while it's hot.
Meanwhile I'll try to dredge up some fresh new memes, internet quizzes, knock-knock jokes, trivia, false memories, recipes, and rude cracks about celebrities for tomorrow. Or maybe the next day, if I have a hangover.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Why am I nawt suhprised?
| What American accent do you have? Your Result: Boston You definitely have a Boston accent, even if you think you don't. Of course, that doesn't mean you are from the Boston area, you may also be from New Hampshire or Maine. | |
| The Northeast | |
| The Midland | |
| Philadelphia | |
| The West | |
| The Inland North | |
| North Central | |
| The South | |
| What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes | |
Hello. I must be going.
As I started to write this entry, I realized I was starving. So I'm going downstairs to have Yet Another delicious Seattle Sutton Healthy Eating lunch.
Which maybe isn't all that tasty, but as I've said before; I didn't have to cook it; ergo, it's delicious. But uninspiring. If you are what you eat, I am a hermetically-sealed microwavable low-sodium, low- fat lunch.
In a word: dull.
Really, it's not worth hanging around here to see whether I'll snap out of it and write something interesting.
You should check out my new tenant. That Grrl makes wicked cool ascii art and has a goofy sense of humor, plus she's a Sagittarius, and that means it's almost her birthday. Now, don't you feel guilty that you haven't checked out her blog? Click on the thumbnail! I gotta go. I'M HUNGRY. kbye!
Which maybe isn't all that tasty, but as I've said before; I didn't have to cook it; ergo, it's delicious. But uninspiring. If you are what you eat, I am a hermetically-sealed microwavable low-sodium, low- fat lunch.
In a word: dull.
Really, it's not worth hanging around here to see whether I'll snap out of it and write something interesting.
You should check out my new tenant. That Grrl makes wicked cool ascii art and has a goofy sense of humor, plus she's a Sagittarius, and that means it's almost her birthday. Now, don't you feel guilty that you haven't checked out her blog? Click on the thumbnail! I gotta go. I'M HUNGRY. kbye!
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