Because Badger asked

So here is the menu for our annual Halloween Open House (which, like, one person has bothered to RSVP about, so the quantity of food will probably be way off, resulting in my family being forced to subsist on party leftovers for a week.)

First we'll have an assortment of appetizer-snacky things. I haven't figured out exactly what. I'm thinking of fixing my mother's Curried Olive Canapes because they look black and fairly scary, but actually taste pretty good. Plus a layered bean dip thing. But no Vienna-franks-decorated-to-look-like-Witches-fingers or anything like that.)

For drinks we will of course have beer (Sam Adams, Amstel Light, maybe some of that weird pumpkin ale) plus wine, plus I'll have the usual bar available.

Alice's Favorite Chili
(from the Alice's Restaurant Cookbook)
with lots of toppings: grated cheddar, minced onion, minced scallions, sliced black olives
plus a big rice cooker of cooked white rice, for people who like to tone down the spice,
plus a few bottles of hot sauce--(my favorite is Texas Champagne) for people who like to bump up the spice.

Pulled Barbecued Pork and rolls
(from Heckey's)

Heckey's Cole Slaw
(which I don't like because it's too sweet, but other people seem to think it's fine)

A couple of sides from Song of Sixpence. Last year I got Harvest Corn Salad and Dill Potato Salad.

I order a lot of the food, I guess. But I actually bake the desserts:

Pumpkin Pecan Bundt Cake

Alexander's Favorite Chocolate Chocolate Chip Bundt Cake

both to be served with plenty of Whipped Cream

also

M&M Cookies made with Halloween-Colored M&Ms

Oatmeal Tam O Shanters

Since this is a family event, I will also have juice boxes, individual bags of Pepperidge Farm goldfish, baby carrots, broiled drumsticks, and hot dogs available.

There are usually bowls of candy around, too.

And the children get goody bags. If I have time, I'll make popcorn balls for them.

--P.

My Halloween Party Play List

For the benefit of Tequila Red, and anyone else who is throwing a Halloween party on October 29, I bring you the latest version of my All Ages Halloween Open House playlist:

"Ahh Real Monsters" from Nickelodeon
"Angelique's Theme" from Dark Shadows
"Barnabas's Theme" from Dark Shadows
"Clown Dream" from the soundtrack to Pee Wee's Big Adventure
"I Like to Move It" (Monster Booty) from the soundtrack to Madagascar
"Lydia Strikes a Bargain" from the soundtrack to Beetlejuice
"Quentin's Theme" from Dark Shadows--performed by the Boston Pops
"The Castle of the Wicked Witch" from the soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz
2 Unlimited: Twilight Zone (Rave)
Alan Silvestri: "The Mummy Returns"
Alice Cooper: "Feed My Frankenstein"
Alvin and the Chipmunks: "Fish Heads"
Alvin and the Chipmunks: "Witch Doctor Techno Remix"
Annie Lennox: "Love Song for a Vampire"
Apocalyptica from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Big Bee Kornegay and Group: At the House of Frankenstein
Bobby "Boris" Pickett: "The Monster Mash"
Bowie: "Scary Monsters"
Butthole Surfers: "Dracula from Houston"
Classic IV: "Spooky Little Girl"
Danny Elfman: Theme from Sleepy Hollow
Dark Shadows Music Cue Medley
Dave Chase: Chase Abduction
Dead Can Dance: Music for Vampires
Drifters: "Love Potion Number 9"
Edgar Winters Group "Frankenstein"
Gene Wilder: "Puttin' on the Ritz" (from Young Frankenstein)
Golden Earring: Twilight Zone
Guns and Roses: "Sympathy for the Devil" (from Interview with the Vampire soundtrack)
Ichabod Crane
J. S. Bach: Toccata and Fugue in D
Korn and Marilyn Manson: Theme from Sleepy Hollow
Mannheim Steamroller: Night on Bald Mountain
MC Hammer: "Addams Groove" (from Addams Family Values)
Metallica: Alfred Hitchcock Presents (Theme)
Michael and Janet Jackson: "Scream"
Michael Jackson: "Thriller" (extended version)
Michael Jackson's "Bad"/Theme from Ghostbusters mashup
Misfits: Theme from The Munsters (the cover)
Misfits: "Vampire Love"
Mussorgsky: Night on Bald Mountain
Napoleon XIV: "They're Coming to Take Me Away"
Phish "Feed My Frankenstein"
Ray Stevens: "Witch Doctor (Ooh Ee Ooh Ah Ah"
Robin Williams: "Batty" from the soundtrack to Ferngully
Run DMC: theme from Ghostbusters II
Ryan Adams and the Cardinals: "I See Monsters"
Social Distortion: Mommy's Little Monster
Swinging Phillies: Frankenstein's Party
The Eagles: "Witchy Woman"
The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror V opening credits
The Slackers: The Mummy
Theme from Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho"
Theme from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Theme from Dark Shadows
Theme from Ghostbusters
Theme from The Addams Family
Theme from The Munsters (the classic)
Theme from The Twilight Zone
Warren Zevon: "Werewolves of London"


--P.

Best line I could steal this early in the day:

"As readers of my blog will surely attest, I just don't have that much to say."

Courtesy of KathyR, who has just earned a much-coveted spot on my blogroll.

--P.

All is forgiven.

I managed to get the television in the home theater working (usually it's too complicated for me to figure out in less than half an hour) so I managed to catch the second half of the last inning.

So I saw the White Sox win the pennant!!!

World Series in Chicago! Woo hoo!

--P.

The Good. And the Completely Moronic.

So the White Sox are up by one run, top of the ninth inning, very close to winning the pennant. And I can't find the game on television. OK, I don't usually watch White Sox baseball. But right now, I'm watching a Chicago Bears player being interviewed about today's football game. Blah blah blah blah, then they cut to an update on the National Hockey League. Where's ESPN or Fox? I can't find the game!

High speed wireless internet, digital cable, three televisions, three computers--and I have to go find an AM radio to hear some play by play. Honestly. I'm probably going to end up sitting in my car to hear it.

Listen up, you retards. The White Sox are about to beat the Angels in Anaheim. This is almost the World Series and no one's talking baseball. It just sucks! This game should be on about four channels. Come on! It's October. Who cares about football? Or hockey???

Definitely not

--P.

Thank God mine were toilet-trained years ago.

I'm as leftie-bolshie-crunchy as the next over-educated goofball, but aren't medication-free childbirth, breastfeeding on demand, cloth diapers, and letting my kids sleep in my bed once in a while enough?

Apparently not.

If mine were infants--and I can't even begin to say how glad I am that they're not (been there, done that, laundered the spit-up off the fugly Motherwear nursing t-shirt) some Lamaze educator would be trying to talk me into paying extra close attention to my baby's "Elimination Communication" to ascertain when he or she was going to take a leak or worse. And then I'd rush the child to a potty seat, and help him along by making wee-wee and poo-poo noises.

Two--no, three words: AS. FUCKING. IF.

I mean, imagine the scenario of a sleep-deprived half-crazed new mother. In addition to figuring out what to feed the child and whether he needs another nap or why, in God's name, is he crying his head off AGAIN, she'd be trying to decipher the language of her child's lower G. I. tract.

For Christ's sake, I have difficulty understanding the so-called language of my own.

Something tells me the people behind (hee!) this movement (HAHAHAHAHA!) are first time parents who either have no lives, or are looking for a little project to keep them busy while they're building their yurta, raising llamas, tanning artificial leather, buying Fair-Trade organic coffee beans at the local co-op, and/or regrowing their foreskins.

--P.

Sox win!

Hey, I'm from Boston, but Red, White--who cares at this point? Chicago so totally deserves this!

--P.